“Julie, you’ve got to snap out of this.” I heard the words, I felt the emotion behind them, but I felt helpless. My husband walked out of the room, leaving me in my bed again. For three days, I had lain in my bed crying, reading my Bible, and searching for peace.
I just couldn’t let her go. Dad had passed just two years prior, and mom and I had grown so close. We were closer than we’d been in all forty of my years.
I had been thinking of things I would never experience again; her sweet smile, her crazy laugh, her bright eyes, her constant singing and humming, and her pancakes. No one made pancakes like mama. Her joy was cooking breakfast on Saturday mornings. She made sure everyone was awake, going from room to room singing, “Some golden daybreak, Jesus will come, some golden daybreak, battles all won”. Then, she would go to the kitchen and start cooking. She would sing the whole time she cooked. Always hymns, the old ones that have been around forever.
But, now I’d never hear that sweet sound again.
It had been three days since the funeral. The kids were going back to school this morning. They had begged to stay home one more day and to start back on Monday, but why put off the inevitable. Life must go on, or so they say. I just couldn’t imagine being able to go on without mama.
“Mom, are you going to the store today. There is nothing to eat around here.” Sarah came in pulling a brush through her hair with one hand and buttoning her shirt with the other. “Do we really have to go to school?”
“Yes. Go get ready.”
“Mommy,” this time it was Rhett, rubbing his eyes, his cowlick exaggerated from his bed head ‘do’. “Can I have some breffast?”
“Yes, baby. Go get your clothes on and mommy will go down and fix you a bowl of cereal.”
“I don’t want cer’al. I want pancakes.”
“We don’t have pancakes this morning. You can have cereal. Now, go get dressed, and if you need help, daddy will be there in a minute to help.”
“Okay. Mommy, I miss Grammy.”
“I know, baby.” He came into my arms and let me hold him for just a second. “Grammy’s singing with the angels right now, and remember, she’s gonna save you a seat beside Jesus.” With that, I saw a little smile and he ran out of the room.
Once I composed myself and brushed my teeth, I made my way to the kitchen to get cereal bowls ready. Half-way down the stairs I heard the sweetest little voice, “Some glorious morning, sorrows will cease.” I paused on the step and caught my breath. Was that my Sarah? “Some glorious morning all will be peace” Her voice was so tender, yet strong, just like mama’s. I’d never heard her sing like that before. It brought tears to my eyes. Finally though, they were not sad tears. “Heaven will open, Jesus will come. Some golden daybreak Jesus will come”
I had made it into the kitchen and walked over to the refrigerator where I could only see Sarah’s backside. She jumped at my footsteps. “Mama, don’t sneak up on people like that.”
“I’m sorry Sarah. I was trying not to interrupt your song. You have a beautiful voice. Just like mama’s” Her smile covered her face at my observation. “I didn’t even know you could sing like that.”
“I didn’t either, ‘til Gramma told me. We used to sing together a lot while you were at work.” She looked back in the refrigerator, moving things around, “Can you pick up some Eggo’s at the store today? Tomorrow’s pancake day.”
“Absolutely not. Tomorrow, you shall have your first cooking lesson. I’m gonna teach you to make pancakes.”
And so, my healing began. My mama’s favorite song brought to life in my daughter’s voice. It was my gift from God. The peace I had looked for all week, given in sweet snippets of song.
“Some Golden Daybreak” by C.A. Blackmore
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