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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Melody (08/24/06)

TITLE: A New Melody
By Pamela Rosario


A New Melody

(As I listen to the audition tape, I can’t help the tears that come. So many memories swirling around inside my head.)

A gangly girl with long brown hair stood up from the front pew. Small hands smoothed the front of her dress just as she’d been taught. She walked to the piano where her older sister sat waiting.

“Are you ready?” Jeannie asked. Paula was only five years old. She couldn’t read, so Jeannie had spent hours sitting on the couch in the living room teaching her the words to the song she would be singing on Sunday morning.

“I’m ready.” Paula said, excitement gleaming in her big, brown eyes. She couldn’t wait to sing.

“One More Valley,” she announced to the waiting congregation. She looked over at Mom who gave a nod of her head, as if to say, “Go on, you know what to do.”

The strains of the familiar melody began as Paula took a deep breath and began to sing.

Brother Henry stopped clipping his fingernails. Sister Ruby opened her eyes. Brother Melvin and Sister Hazel grinned from ear to ear. No one could believe that such a big voice was coming from such a small package.

The last notes faded away, and Paula returned to her usual seat next to Mom.There was no applause because clapping was forbidden in the little Pentecostal church.

The pastor made his way to the pulpit and thanked both his daughters for the song. Without missing a beat, his baritone voice began to read the Scripture chosen for Sunday morning’s sermon.

(I paused at the door of the choir room. The chance to audition for the praise team was answer to a private prayer. I wanted so much to sing the melody in my heart. Here was my chance to honor God with a talent I had buried away. As I pushed through the door, I heard “Are you ready?”)

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This article has been read 795 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Schultz 08/31/06
This is a great beginning. I would love to know why she buried all that talent away for so long.
Donna Powers 09/01/06
What a sweet story. I am glad that "Paula" chose to give her talent back to the Lord.
Jan Ackerson 09/05/06
I agree with Lynda, this was very good and I wanted more.
Rebecca Livermore09/06/06
This is so encouraging for those of us who have, for whatever reason, put our talent on the back burner. Like others, I'd like more of the story!
Debbie Sickler09/06/06
You did a good job, this was well written and enjoyable to read. Just a little note, most of the time when entries need to show a jump in time, the authors just hit enter an extra time between jumps, creating a little extra white space. The parenthesis you used were a bit distracting, because it looked like a side note, rather than part of your nice story. :)
Joanne Sher 09/06/06
Very well told! I agree with Debbie - the parentheses are a bit distracting. Maybe putting those sentences in italics would have set them off better, without being as distracting. I really enjoyed this!!
Val Clark09/06/06
This is storytelling which is full of potential. You give clear thumbnail sketches of the minor characters in the congregation with phrases like: 'Brother Henry stopped clipping his fingernails' as well us creating a believable main character. yeggy
Valerie Routhieaux09/07/06
This is a good story. I'd like to know why Paula waited so long and put her talent on the back burner.

I also agree that the parenthesis are a distraction. Not needed.