The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/24/06
I like your thoughts on how we run from ourselves and God.
Very deep.
08/25/06
I empathize with your 'runner' because I have done plenty of the same sort of escaping like your main character.

A small technical thing that would make this easier to read: leave white space between paragraphs.

You paint a wonderfully descriptive picture of desparation and then sweet submission. Good work! There is much to ponder in this article!
08/28/06
i can't read it. space your paragraphs
08/29/06
You've got a good concept here, and with a few edits, you could have something great.

Reword this phrase: for it seemed this follower could never seem to do anything right. (because it has seem in it twice)

Beware of using too many exclamation points--it's distracting to the reader.

Read through it again, and notice how many sentences start with 'she.' Try re-wording to avoid this.

Again, great idea, and good job!
08/30/06
You tell an awesome story with great emotion and drama. It is true your writing needs some technical work, but that will come. I was very impressed with your story telling. The pace of the story was good, I even knew she was running from herself, but the voice in your story was so true and honest, i ran along for the ride because her character was so refreshing. Thank you and keep working. You are a writer. God bless.