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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Cross (as in the Cross of Christ) (08/17/06)

TITLE: A Picture of the Cross and a Cup of Hot Chocolate
By Tabiatha Tallent
08/23/06


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“Mommy, why is that man always on that cross?”

Liz looked at Ben for a long moment wondering how she should answer. His eyes were filled with that ‘I want to know’ look. “What do you mean, Ben?” Liz kept walking through the store, hoping that Ben would let this rest. She was not prepared for this.

“That man” Ben’s little finger pointed up to a book with the cross bearing Christ. Why she hadn’t listened to her mother and taken Ben to church was beyond her right now. She struggled with what to say, knowing he would not let this rest.

“Let’s get a drink and sit at one of the tables, and we’ll talk about it.” She led him over to the coffee counter and ordered two hot chocolates, and then they headed over to a table in the corner. Ben had both hands wrapped around his cup, and his eyes were fixed on hers.

“Ben, the man on the cross is Jesus. A long time ago, He was punished for things that He didn’t do.”

“Why? Didn’t they have police and stuff back then so they could find the real bad guys?”

“Well, yes, they did. But this was kind of different.”

Ben looked down into his cup, took a sip, and started again. “Mom, when Nana talks about Jesus, she says good stuff. She says that He loves us, and that He helps us, and that when we die we can live with Him in Heaven. How can He love us when He don’t know us, and ‘specially since He’s on a cross?”

“He’s not on the cross anymore, Ben. That was part of God’s plan for Jesus to die for us. But, He didn’t stay dead. He came back to life after a few days, and then He went back to Heaven with God. Now, He sits there with God and listens to our prayers.” She could not go on. The tears that she had held back, now streamed down her face.

“Excuse me, ma’am. My name is Pastor John Thompson. I couldn’t help hearing your conversation from my seat.” He stopped and pointed over to the table right beside them. He held out his hand to Ben. “I’m Pastor John. What’s your name?”

“I’m Ben.”

“Ben, you’ve asked some very good questions. I happen to know where you can find all the answers.” Pastor John pulled a small, worn, black Bible from his pocket and began to tell Ben all about Jesus and why He died on the cross.

Liz sat and listened. For the first time, her heart was open to receive the Words from the book that Pastor John held. She hadn’t been to church since she lived with her mom, and was made to go. She had never heard anyone talk about Jesus with such passion as Pastor John. He said so much in the little time that he was there, she wondered if Ben grasped any of it.

“Well, Ben if you’re interested and if your mom will bring you, we have Sunday School every Sunday at our little church that’s not too far from here. The teacher will tell you all kinds of stories about Jesus and His friends. After Sunday School, you can come into the church and I’ll tell you a story about Jesus. Would you like to come?”

“Yes!” Ben looked at Liz with those pleading eyes, “Can we go mom?”

“Yes. I think it’s time I took you to church. Your Nana will be so happy, she will probably want to come with us.”

“Cool. Thanks for answering my questions, Pastor John. I’ll see you at church.”

Pastor John shook Ben’s hand, then turned to Liz. He held out a small pamphlet to her, “Here’s some information about our church. The church number and my home number is on there. If you have any questions before Sunday, please call. The church staff, or I will be happy to talk with you.”

“Thank you, we’ll see you Sunday.”

He held out his hand towards hers, and shook hers gently, “Good, I’ll hold you to it.”


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This article has been read 512 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Rhonda Clark 08/24/06
Your story has such a great message. If we don't teach our kids about God, then most likely they won't know him.

One observation I have is that you might want to vary your words more.

I like your story.
Sarah Whitaker08/25/06
Nice! It's simple and to the point while giving that heart-felt fuzziness inside.
Amy Nicholson08/25/06
Your title attracted my attention (chocolate always does!), and your charming story kept me reading. Good work!
Joanne Sher 08/27/06
Title brought me in, and the story kept me here! Nicely done!
Jan Ackerson 08/28/06
Very good! My only problem is the mother's longer paragraph where she explains that Jesus is no longer on the cross--she does an excellent job. There would be no reason for the pastor to come over and intervene. Maybe you should have had her stumbling a bit, getting some of the info wrong...Love your title, and your little boy who is very realistically written.
Marty Wellington 08/28/06
Great job! I agree with Jan's comments as well. If the mother hadn't been in church for a while, she might be more hesitant or uncertain about how to share with her son, leaving opportunity for the pastor to jump in. Also, since she was crying, it might be nice to see the pastor comforting her as well as focusing on the boy. Overall, your dialogue was great and it was a wonderful reminder about the importance of sharing with children--they're so open.
Trina Courtenay08/28/06
Nicely done with a great message and an awesome title.
Sandra Petersen 08/28/06
This was a pretty neat story. I could picture Ben asking all of those questions, and Mom not knowing what to say because she had turned her back on the church.

The answers Mom had for Ben might have been better expressed by the pastor, as Jan and Marty said. The pastor would have also been observant of the mother's tears.

This story contains a message to parents who grew up in the church but stopped going, but also to parents who might push their children hard to make them attend only to find them drifting away afterwards.

Good job!

Good job
Jan Ross08/28/06
Nice ... being a Nana of twelve, I've heard innocent, probing questions just like Ben's more than once! Very real story with a good lesson to all young parents -- take your kids to church! Considering some of the other comments, I think a little rework and this would make a nice story -- maybe even a skit! And, can I have a sip of your hot chocolate? :)
Shari Armstrong 08/28/06
A nice story - kids have a way of "getting it" when grown ups don't -very nice :)
Joanne Malley08/28/06
Sweet story and a good message that it's never too late to gain spiritual food through fellowship at church.
I love the eagerness of the boy. I wish all children were as eager about Jesus as your character. :)
Virginia Gorg08/28/06
It's great we serve a risen Lord. This is nicely done, but I wondered why the pastor intervened - seemed she had it right. I agree with earlier comment that if she stumbled it would flow better. You have a good way with words. Overall, nicely done.
Brenda Kern 08/29/06
I'm left wondering if the ending could be a little stronger...maybe if you return to the idea of the man on the cross, in some way...?

Otherwise, this is very well written and draws the reader in nicely.
william price08/30/06
Look at you, about 13 comments, all from great proven writers and 90 plus reads, you should be encouraged. I too enjoyed your story, you told it well. I just want to encourage you to take notes on all of these comments and keep working. You have the ability to tell a good story and a heart to do it for the right reason. I look forward to reading more from you. And, oh yes, excellent title. God bless.


   
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