The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1061 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
08/26/06
i enjoyed this.
08/27/06
wonderful expression of emotions, that put us into the stories we are so often viewing from a distance.

Maybe, however, you are doing too much in this short space. I think each little section is a gem, together they feel a little disjointed. Your writing is very evocative, only I feel like you tried to wrap your arms around something far too broad for 750 words.
08/27/06
Great title - and a very neat story! A different perspective than I'd ever considered for the boy and the lunch - but very thought-provoking! I love when a story makes me consider something completely different, and it blesses me! Thanks for doing just that!
08/28/06
I like the glimpse into this usually-anonymous boy's spirit. A few things jar, though, particularly anachronisms like "on my last nerve."

You really gave him a distinct personality--nice touch.
08/28/06
I really liked this. The title was very intriguing. Good job telling a story from a different perspective. See you intermediates! :-)
08/28/06
Good luck in Intermediate. I enjoyed this story as well. You might remember that you are writing a period peice when you do this. Some modern emotions might not play back then. (Also Jesus did not raise on the Sabbath, he raised on Sunday the day after the Sabbath). But those are small things compared to the great work you did in telling this story. I agree that it could be made into a very compelling longer story.
I liked your POV! Can't wait to see you in level 2.
08/28/06
I enjoyed being brought back in time and to see Jesus' important work on the cross through the eyes and words of the boy. An important reminder that every life is precious despite one's own thoughts of feeling unimportant. Good job!
09/11/06
Allison, this is very creative. Good work with your first-person POV. My only suggestion is for your ending. Jesus is alive! Maybe you could say something about death being swallowed up in victory. Even the grave couldn't hold him. Something like that. Still, a very good story with a wonderful message of hope!