The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/17/06
Very good, realistic depiction of emotions written effectively in present tense (except for "shouted" in the first sentence...) Familiar territory, though...your writing is very skillful and I look forward to seeing you attempt something riskier.
I liked this story. My favorite line - "my head is hanging so low that if it hangs much lower, my feet will trip over it." We've all been there!
08/21/06
"Until we are finished..." I hope I can remember that line when I am in the valley. This was beautiful. Who cannot relate to these words? Excellent!
08/21/06
You've got some switches between tenses here: The 'shouted' in the first sentence establishes the past tense, then 'glances' in the second paragraph is in the present tense.

If you can correct this tense problem, this is very good.

Good work--you should be proud of this entry.
10/01/06
Very creative, very well written and I enjoyed the read immensely. A real pro at that certain "something" that moves the reader. Well done.