The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/17/06
never thought it would be so funny. cute.
08/18/06
Awesome ending--thanks for the grin.

An easy way to tighten up on this would be to make the tenses consistent--all past tense or all present tense.

Good job on this one; I was with your narrator every step of the way.
08/20/06
Loved it! You got me! Great surprise ending. Nice job!
I love this. What a thrill ride to the end. You have what it takes to be a truly great writer. Keep it up.
08/23/06
Parachute or backpack - ahhh, the devil is in the details, isn't he? Loved the surprise ending. Very good.