The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/18/06
Flow is choppy but I understand what you were saying.
08/18/06
Are you sure you are a beginner? This is really good and flowed quite well.

May God bless.

Sincerely,
Dan Blankenship

08/18/06
I really like the structure of this poem, with the first lines being part of the Paslm, and your extension of them. Very original!

Take a look at your 5th stanza--there's an unnecessary apostrophe, and some problems with verbs.

This is a very clever poem!
08/19/06
This poem was different. The meter was certainly different from the norm. Kind of refreshing to see a bit of that. I'm certainly no poet, but I saw some very good ideas, here.