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Previous Challenge Entry (EDITOR'S CHOICE)
Topic: Exhale (08/15/13)

TITLE: From Bad to Verse...
By Noel Mitaxa
08/22/13
~8th Place


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My poetry was getting out of hand,
Readers found it hard to understand.
They told me this was so,
And I replied, “Yes I know,
But I’ve noticed lately as I approach the end of a verse that I feel overtaken by some kind of a compulsion to try to squeeze as many words into the last line as I possibly can!”

I thought -
As I ought!
Maybe simpler rhyming and rhythm
Would get me on better terms with ’em.


So I tried a simpler poem.
Hoping that would show ’em
That my verse-making skill
Might yet give them a thrill.

But it was far from easy,
For my stomach was queasy
And my mind was seething
With the poem’s need for neat breathing

For I discovered that poetry aficionados
How to rhyme with that word – who knows?
Enjoy clear punctuation
To enhance their imagination.

To make word-pictures flow,
Allowing images to grow
Within their mind
I find
The going tough
And more than enough -
Of a challenge.

For any readers who saw me working;
In my neighbourhood lurking;
Then, becoming bolder,
Looked over my shoulder
And asked about this confusing stanza…
I could offer no anza.

My verse
Has got worse
I’ve reached the time -
Far from sublime –
To stop holding my breath –
As this rhyme reaches its death -
In hope of finding depth and meaning.

No, my mind has gone stale,
I cannot prevail.
It’s time to exhale.

Author's note: I've suffered for my humour, and now it's your turn to suffer...

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Member Comments
Member Date
Linda Goergen08/22/13
Oh my goodness, what a laugh! The methodized chaos of this was clever and creative and caused me no suffering at all—except for almost chocking on my sandwich (that I had so foolishly taken a bite of just before beginning to read this) with laughter. Entertaining read! Great job!
Camille (C D) Swanson 08/22/13
YOU'RE BACK!!! Hahahaha.
Excellent and so much fun.

Great job...God bless~
Danielle King 08/24/13
I had read only a few lines and was thinking of telling you to stick to the day job - politely of course. However, by the time I'd reached the end I was rolling on the floor laughing. Only you could write something so badly and make it sound goodly! Loved it!
Colin Swann08/24/13
Thanks for your lesson in what to avoid when creating smooth rhymed verse. Actually you must have worked harder at this than a straight forward poem. Thanks for the smiles.
Mike Newman08/24/13
I agree with everyone, that was great, I really enjoyed it.

You did a wonderful job, thanks for sharing it.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/24/13
I didn't suffer for one second. In fact I found myself grinning, chuckling and nodding my head. Some people make writing poetry look easy, but anyone who has ever attempted it, knows it is anything but! I think you did a splendid job, but then my mind tends to ramble and my last lines often go on and on. :)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/24/13
I had a hunch that this one had to be yours, but didn't know for sure until I saw your brick. You really are a hoot, my friend!
Cheryl von Drehle08/24/13
ha ha
Ellen Carr 08/25/13
I could say, I suppose,
You should stick to prose,
But I have read verse,
Which is marginally worse!
You made me laugh!

Ellen Carr 08/25/13
I could say, I suppose,
You should stick to your prose,
But I have read some other verse,
Which is marginally worse!
(You made me laugh!)
(A correction of my previous comment!)
lynn gipson 08/25/13
Your brilliant humor and style of writing shines in this one. Always a pleasure to read your work. Excellence in words!
Beth LaBuff 08/26/13
Who knew that you were a poet? :) I've heard that writing poetry is quite addicting, and now that you've gotten your feet wet, I'll expect prolific-ness . Besides you owe it to your readership. :) This was quite entertaining and creative. I especially loved that extra long line in your first stanza, the new word your coined, "anza," and your author's endnote. :)
Melanie Kerr 08/27/13
"No anza"? Genius! That was delicious to read.
Bea Edwards 08/28/13
Thoroughly enjoyable and clever of course.
Edmond Ng 08/29/13
Congratulations on your receiving EC! God bless!
Camille (C D) Swanson 08/29/13
Congrats Noel on your EC!
God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/29/13
Happy Dance and congratulations!
lynn gipson 08/29/13
Congratulations, friend, on your well deserved EC! This was a delight to read...blessings.
Nancy Bucca08/29/13
This is great
I can relate
"From Bad to Verse"
has cracked the slate
But wait! Did I say I relate?

In every way. Congratulations.
Danielle King 08/29/13
What... Another?
Listen brother,
Bad verse good,
Understood?

More from you,
Next week will do.
Do your worst,
You might come first!

Ha-Ha-Ha
Ho-Ho-Hoo
A jolly big fat
CONGRATS to you!

Charla Diehl 08/29/13
From one poet to another now--I enjoyed the quirkiness that must have birthed this entry. Congrats on your EC placement.
Ellen Carr 08/29/13
Noel, you came in number eight.
That is cool, yes that is great.
Hone your versing skills a bit,
And you'll have a number one hit.
Congratulations!
Yvonne Blake 08/29/13
Great job, Noel. Congratulations! I love you quirkiness.
Linda Goergen08/29/13
Congratulations Noel on your EC win! Obviously you are a better poet than you give yourself credit for! :)
So happy for you, this deserved a win, it was so cute, clever and downright funny!