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Previous Challenge Entry (EDITOR'S CHOICE)
Topic: Example (07/25/13)

TITLE: "Take this model, for example..."
By Vince Martella
~2nd Place


“Good morning”, he said, extending his hand and flashing a thousand mega-watt smile. “Harry Styles, proprietor. I’m so glad you could make it in.”

“Lucy Brown”, I said, shaking his hand. “I was a little reluctant about coming in, but I really need to make a decision, and I’m not really sure what I want.”

“Well, you came to the right place”, he said, putting his arm around me and ushering me into the showroom. “You can’t be too careful, you know. It’s a pretty big decision.” He extended his arm toward a small conference room. “Can I get you something to drink; a donut, juice, coffee…?”

“No thank you, Mr. Styles”, I said uneasily.

“Call me Harry”, he said and flashed that wide smile again.

“If we could just begin…”

“Of course, of course”, he cut me off. We reached a set of double doors, and he opened them with a grand gesture. “Step in, young lady, and let us begin your great adventure."

As the doors closed behind me with a gentle swoosh, I was mesmerized by the dazzling showroom. The flashing lights and neon signs were a sight to behold. There were various makes and models of all colors, shapes and sizes.

“Impressive, huh?” he asked, as he walked to the center of the room with the air of a ringmaster. “We strive to offer the very best. Stroll around. Check them out. There’s no pressure here. We want you to be completely satisfied with your decision. After all, you’re going to have to live with it for a very long time.”

I walked slowly around the vast showroom, stroking and inspected each model. I stopped at a particularly dazzling one and mused over it.

“Ah, excellent choice”, Styles said, suddenly at my side. “This one’s got all the bells and whistles. Guaranteed to impress”, he smiled.

“It’s beautiful, but it doesn’t seem practical for everyday use”, I said. “Do you have something less flashy?”

He escorted me to another model. “This one is not as richly equipped, but it’s still a beauty”, he said. “It’s fun and flirty; very popular with the college crowd. No maintenance necessary. Even comes with a sports package.”

I contemplated the idea, and then shook it off. “No, it’s not really what I’m looking for”, I said. “How about that one over there?” I asked.

Styles frowned a bit, but caught himself and put his game face back on.
“Yes, this one”, he said, strolling over deliberately. “This one has seen a little bit of mileage”. He walked around it slowly and stroked his chin. “It’s certainly dependable; I’ll give you that”’ he said, raising his eyebrows a bit. “It’s not the kind that will impress in the finest social circles, but it will get you from point A to point B.” He turned and looked at her deliberately. “It’s not maintenance free; you’ll have to invest some time and money into it; but let me be clear – it will not let you down. It is absolutely guaranteed and warranted to run true as long as you follow the manufacturer’s guidelines. And as you said earlier, it is practical.”

Lucy eyed it carefully. “Are there many of these on the road? she asked.

“Honestly, this is our least popular model”, Styles admitted. “Most people aren’t interested in practical; they want flashy, low maintenance, showy models. They are popular with the old timers; they’re kind of vintage and many actually enjoy putting the time and effort into them.

Lucy walked slowly around the model. It was solid, sturdy…practical.

“Yes, this is the one, definitely. I’m not interested in flashy; I want something that will get me through day in and day out”

Styles almost grimaced, but smiled and turned on the charm. “Well then, let’s step into the office. Judy will go over all the details”.

Lucy scanned the showroom and read the nameplates one more time: The Lincoln - Man About Town, The Chaz - Party Animal, The Brittany - Social Butterfly.

She turned back to her choice: Model # 3562910. The Sarah - Evangelical Christian. High morals, conscientious, integrity, Biblically based ethics. Scriptural download included. Owner provides maintenance. 24 hour help line access. Lifetime guarantee.

Lucy eyed Styles. “Will it hurt?” she asked.

Styles gently took her by the arm. “Really, my dear, this is the 21st century. Personality transplants have been safe and pain free for 20 years now. Let’s just step this way and we’ll get started…”

Accept Jesus as Your Savior Right Now and be Certain of Eternal Life.

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Member Comments
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lynn gipson 08/03/13
A good story. I noticed you went from "I shook his hand " to "Lucy look around"....other than that I think this is a very good piece with a powerful message. Blessings.
lynn gipson 08/03/13
Now that I read it over again, I think maybe you were showing both personalities? If so, scratch that first comment. My addle minded brain did not catch it at first. Great writing.

Blessings, Lynn
Linda Goergen08/03/13
Very unique story! Becoming a Christian and growing in Christ certainly is like getting a personality transplant…only that is only the side effect of our soul conversion! Liked how you showed the different examples of what non-Christians and Christians look for in life in this sci-fi like analogy. Enjoyed the read.
Ellen Carr 08/04/13
This is a creative way to approach the topic and you've done it well. I did notice a change from the first person (I) for Lucy to the 3rd person (Lucy, she)which was a bit confusing. Otherwise, a good message, and well told.
C D Swanson 08/05/13
This was a very clever approach to the topic. I thought it was interesting, and I really didn't see where it was going, so I was surprised at the ending. Nicely done. And, boy...the Christian model, is certainly a "classic" today, in all aspects of which you could imagine.

I enjoyed this. Thank you.

God bless~
C D Swanson 08/05/13
This was an excellent story that showed both sides of Christianity, hypocrisy and compassion, with a heart of Christ.

This reminded me of a modern day version of the "The good Samaritan Story" where the least expected provided help.

The heart is not a respector of persons, when it is a heart reflective of Christ.

Great job...I loved it.

God bless~
C D Swanson 08/05/13
Ooops so sorry!!

That second comment was supposed to be on another entry! Please excuse it.

God bless~
Bea Edwards 08/05/13
Oh wow -this was priceless.
I kept wanting to skip to the end but I'm so glad I waited! Phenomenal way to wrap up your story. Well done.
Danielle King 08/06/13
How very creative. I knew we weren't talking about cars but I had no idea what else it could be. You've done a great job with this one.
Colin Swann08/06/13
Very interesting, and at the same time baffling for most of the way. I was thinking can it be cars? Well done!
Danielle King 08/08/13
Congratulations Vince. A great story.
Nancy Bucca08/08/13
Great job on this and an excellent "example" of writing toward the topic. I love the way you ended this. Congratulations.
Bea Edwards 08/08/13
Yay Vince,
Congratulations this was one of my favorites.
C D Swanson 08/08/13
Congratulations! God bless~
Linda Goergen08/08/13
Congratulations on your win Vince! Kudos!
Ellen Carr 08/08/13
Congratulations on your well-deserved 2nd place.