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Previous Challenge Entry (EDITOR'S CHOICE)
Topic: Junk Food (08/30/12)

TITLE: Moon-in-the-Sky-Pie
By Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom
~8th Place


Gracie peeked around the corner and saw Mommy and Daddy in the living room, watching TV. She stretched onto her tippy-toes and wiggled the box off the top shelf. Grimacing as it clattered to the floor, she quietly peeled off the cellophane wrapper, when suddenly, her brother jumped out from behind the counter. “Aha, caught you red-handed, you moon pie thief!”

Looking Camden straight in the eye, she shoved the chocolate-covered, marshmallow-cream cookie into her mouth. She chewed it up, stuck out her tongue and then swallowed.

Camden’s face turned bright red and he grabbed Gracie’s shirt-sleeve. “Those were for my lunch next week! Some astronaut you’re going to be, you little hypocrite.” He stood with his feet apart and glared at his little sister.

Yanking her hand free from Camden’s grasp, she swiped away the remnants of chocolate from her mouth. “Whadaya mean?”

“Everyone knows that aliens harvest moon goo every night in order to make moon pies. Now they’ll have to go out and get more." Camden snorted. "Thanks to you, there's a good chance that the moon will get smaller and smaller until it totally disappears.”

“That’s silly! Everyone knows that the moon doesn't really get smaller--it just looks like it.”

“Well, sure, it changes over the month, but tonight, it’ll disappear--without a trace--just because you're a pig and gobbled up an entire box of moon pies. It’s called supply and demand. I learned all about it in fifth grade. Scientists having been predicting a disaster like this for years.”

Gracie shook her head as her eyes darted to the window. “I don’t believe you. First, there’s no such thing as aliens, and second, the moon doesn't disappear in one night.”

He leaned in, cupped his hand around his mouth and her ear. “I’ll prove it to you. C’mon, let’s go find the moon.” They slipped out the backdoor and Camden pointed to the sky. “Look the moon’s directly over the Stevens’ house. It’ll take the aliens about three hours to collect the goo. Come back then--if you’re not too afraid--and I’ll prove it to you.”

Swallowing hard, Gracie looked at the moon, then back at Camden. “Mommy’ll never let me outside that late.”

“Fine, I’ll help you sneak out, but I betcha the moon’ll be gone.”

Gracie licked her lips. “It’s a deal.”

They raced back to the house. After Daddy tucked Gracie into bed, her belly rumbled. She flopped back and forth, trying to catch a glimpse of the moon, but her window faced the wrong direction. She rubbed her aching head. Maybe Camden was telling the truth.

When she heard a tap on her door, she jumped out of bed and ran to the hall. Camden grabbed Gracie’s hand and they tiptoed to the backyard. Camden pointed above the neighbor’s house. “See, told ya, no moon! Poof, it’s gone. Forever!”

Gracie cranked her head back and forth. She sprinted to the edge of the yard. No matter where she looked, she couldn't find the moon anywhere. The sparkling stars proved it wasn't hiding behind a cloud. She dropped to her knees and started screeching.

Someone flipped on the house lights and Camden ran back inside, leaving Gracie all alone, screaming and sobbing. Mommy and Daddy ran outside and scooped her up. After a careful inspection for blood or bumps, Mommy cupped her hand under Gracie’s chin. “What’s wrong? Why are you outside in the middle of the night?”

Gracie trembled all over and goose bumps popped out on her arms. She buried her head into Mommy’s shoulder. “I...I killed the moon!”

It didn't take long to get the whole story. Mommy stomped off to find Camden. Daddy pulled Gracie up on his shoulders and jogged down the street. He pointed to the sky. “See Gracie, the moon was hiding behind the trees. Your brother was only teasing. I promise; moon pies are not made of moon goo.”

Gracie hugged Daddy’s head as he carried her back to the house. They passed Camden slouching on the couch while Mommy lectured him and waggled her finger in his face. Gracie turned around and stuck out her tongue.

The next day at lunch, Camden plucked a Cheet-o from Gracie’s plate. “You know these are dead caterpillars rolled in cheese, right?”

Gracie grinned at Camden, threw back her head, and screamed, “Mommy!”

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Member Comments
Member Date
Dannie Hawley 09/06/12
What an absolutely adorable tale! That brother really knows his sister. I loved the way the father didn't just tell her the moon was there and tell her to get back to bed. His sensitivity was touching as he hoisted her up and took her to find the moon... to find the truth. That speaks a lot more to the kids than just being told. Obviously the brother didn't learn his lesson... and probably won't for a few more years, at least. Delightful read. Thanks!
Lois Farrow09/06/12
Fun story and well written, I love it.
Barbara Lynn Culler09/06/12
Ohh- I love the ending- the grin and then the scream! She's on to big brother now! Great story!
Yvonne Blake 09/08/12
Ha Ha ! Well done!
(I thought it was going to be an eclipse.)
It's a great story and good characterization. I like your use of dialogue.
Danielle King 09/09/12
This sounds very authentic.

I love your portrayal of the sibling relationship and especially when she stuck out a chocolate covered, marshmallow, cream cookie tongue at her big bruv.

The whole story is brought vividly to life with your excellent word pictures.

It held my attention from the beginning to the end, where she's learned how to get one up on her brother.

I enjoyed this a lot. Great job!

Genia Gilbert09/10/12
Hilarious and interesting all the way through. An out of the box entry and great writing!
Myrna Noyes09/11/12
Ha-ha! What a great ending to this cute story! :) It perfectly portrays how siblings often relate to each other! Your dialogue is great, and I enjoyed the whole thing very much!
lynn gipson 09/11/12
I loved this big brother teasing little sister tale. My older brother was so much like that. He seemed to get great pleasure in telling me there was no santa claus! Very well written and funny. God BLess
lynn gipson 09/11/12
Also meant to say this is a winner in my book!
Sharon Henderson09/11/12
Cute and Creative. Loved your characters and their interactions. Very enjoyable.
Edmond Ng 09/12/12
A fun and an enjoyable read! Well done on an excellent written piece.
Verna Cole Mitchell 09/12/12
This is pure delight. It's a winner for me. The author, obviously, has experience with teasing siblings!
Barbara Lynn Culler09/13/12
Yay Shann on your Highly Commended status! Great job!
Genia Gilbert09/13/12
Congratulations on your HC. This was a great fun read and well deserved!
Danielle King 09/13/12
In your own words Shann - HAPPY DANCE! You're so good at writing about kids. I loved this entry. Congratulations

Genia Gilbert09/13/12
Hey girl! I looked at levels first, and just now saw: not only a HC but an EC! Fantastic! Is that 3 for you??
Dannie Hawley 09/13/12
Yippee! Major fireworks on the way so look out your window for some pretty flashy in-coming... I am so excited that dancing is just not enough. You rock, girl! An H.C. and an E.c.!
Myrna Noyes09/13/12
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR E.C. for this sweet story!! Way to write!! :D
Nancy Bucca09/13/12
Congratulations on your EC! This was a fun read.
C D Swanson 09/13/12
Congratulations on your EC!!!!!!!!!!!!

God Bless~
Beth LaBuff 09/13/12
Shann, this was delightfully clever. I smiled the whole way through. Congratulations on your Editor's Choice award!
Bea Edwards 09/13/12
Harvesting moo goo hehe...super creative and winsome look at sibling games. Well done!
Patsy Hallum09/14/12
How lovely! "Moon Goo" what an extrodinary imagination. Congrats on H.C., well deserved!
Leola Ogle 09/16/12
Yay Shann!! Congrats! I've been out of town and just catching up on the challenge entries!
Abby Kelly 09/17/12
That's hysterical! Thanks for sharing. I am one of four siblings, so those kind of pranks were common. And they make the best family stories later on. Did something like this actually happen?
Raymond Dickerson10/22/12
As usual, articulate, creative and a true joy to read. I love your stuff so much. Keep writing...