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Previous Challenge Entry (EDITOR'S CHOICE)
Topic: Guard Your Heart (06/08/12)

TITLE: Rewritten
By Lori Othouse
~1st Place


The sun slipped down toward the horizon, painting the sky with fiery shades of red and orange on its way. A young man and woman stood at the water’s edge, watching its descent. Seagulls chattered about on the sand as a warm breeze tousled their hair. It was a picture perfect moment, except…he was saying goodbye. Not for the night, or the summer, but forever.

He was a good guy. A Christian guy. Worked hard and had good intentions. But, the one thing he neglected to do was guard his heart. Protect it from the influences and distractions of the world. Christ was there, but over time, He was pushed back to make room for other things. The lure of a comfortable and exciting life replaced the dreams he had grown up with. He chose to leave his hometown, and hometown girl, in pursuit of the money, career and women that he thought were more desirable.

She tried to understand. Tried to be what he wanted, but she was too much a part of what he wanted to leave. When she looked at him, she saw herself and her dreams – their dreams, she thought – and it was all she ever wanted. Her tearful pleas seemed to fall on deaf ears and empty eyes. His vision was elsewhere and she couldn’t turn it back. She gave him one last kiss on the cheek before he pulled himself away…

As he turned to leave, there was a rumbling. A great shaking in the atmosphere. With each step he took it grew louder, though he could hear nothing. Far away, and unknown to all on Earth, the annals of Heaven were being forced open. Bindings cracked and pages fluttered as a mysterious kind of light danced about them. They were being rewritten.

Step by step, page by page, stories were being untold. Stories of a young couple ministering to orphans in Central America. Stories of a family changing their neighborhood for the better. Of a dad inspiring his son to teach. Of a mom’s prayer group that helped prevent divorce in one family and suicide in another. Of generations to come that would change nations. Birthday parties, anniversaries, holidays, graduations…one by one, the lines and letters were erased.

Vows never taken.

Children never born.

Pictures fading to black.

In their place, new stories were being penned – tales of lonely nights, dissatisfaction, wrong relationships, regret. The massive volumes seemed to groan with despair as the new words were written. It was hard to know which was worse – that which would never be or that which would.

Unaware, the young man continued. As his eyes turned more toward the world he wanted, the pages of eternity turned as well, forever changing both of their lives. His heart, unguarded, couldn’t comprehend it. And hers, now broken, would spend a lifetime trying to heal.

The last bit of sunlight disappeared, turning the sky to gray, then black. Her tears fell freely as the waves washed away the last of his footprints from the sand. She watched as he walked away…and all that might have been went with him.

Accept Jesus as Your Savior Right Now and be Certain of Eternal Life.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Loren T. Lowery06/15/12
Very nice piece of evocative writing. I liked, too, the way you used the elements of light, color and sound to give weight and dimension to the profound choices being made.
Deborah Engle 06/15/12
I love your story. It is an unusual perspective that isn't done very often.

The only place I had a [roblem was in the first paragraph. For a minute, I thought the seagulls had hair.

The rest of the story was more than enough to make up for that. Very nice.
C D Swanson 06/17/12
This was epic. A profound and intense piece of writing. I loved it. Deep, and completely mesmerizing. Thank you. God bless~
Geoffrey johnstone06/21/12
Very good and deserving of first place.

You are a very gifted writer!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/21/12
Wow what a powerful allegory. I think every time I hear thunder I will gaze and wonder if the world is being rewritten. I know the noise you described was unheard to the world but perhaps... This is a work of genius. You did an awesome job of tackling the topic in such a fresh way. Congratulations!
Danielle King 06/21/12
Truly amazing! Congratulations on your ribbon.
Amica Joy06/21/12
This really is a powerful story.
Francy Judge 06/21/12
Congratulations! So sad to think of what could have been. Your descriptions were beautiful.
Lisa Johnson06/21/12
I have never thought of how eternal history would be changed by someone's decision to turn away from what God has for them. You have written a powerful story. Congratulations on such a well written, and thought provoking story.
Melanie Kerr 06/22/12
A powerful story. I nver thought of things being rewritten before. It was a sober reminder that I could miss the best God intends for me.
Laura Manley06/22/12
This was undoubtedly one of the most unique stories I have seen displayed on FW. I love your fresh outlook on the topic as well as your descriptive writing. Obviously, so did the judges. Excellent job!
Anne Warden06/25/12
Lori, your story is fresh, unique and powerful. I can easily see why you received first place in Editor's Choice.

Thank you for a moving tale that I will long remember.
Leola Ogle 06/26/12
Yay, Lori! Superb job! Congratulations! Been on vacation and trying to catch up on all my congrats!:)
Catrina Bradley 07/06/12
Perfection. The setting sun is the perfect backdrop for this story of a life unwritten. Wow.
Pam Carlson-Hetland07/13/12
This is truly an amazing piece of writing. I don't know how to add to the comments and compliments already written so I will just say that I agree. Congratulations on your EC win. It is well deserved.
Rena Angell08/01/12
What a timely writing. I joined Faith Writers yesterday. I also started a new bible study book called Created to be God's Friend,which is a study of Abraham and God's relationship.

In the first chapter one of the key points dicussed is
"When God chooses a person for His purposes, all of eternity will be shaped by His decision"

What a beautiful discription you gave of this exact point.
What an awsome God we serve! I pray you have a blessed day as you have blessed mine.