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Topic: Appointment( 02/09/12)
Holy Hair Dressers
By Nancy Bucca
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That's where we at Holy Hair Dressers come in. We choose the styles that make you worthwhile. Our beauty treatment is free, but it costs you everything. Let me explain.
It's all part of our limited time promotional deal geared toward qualifying individuals; a contest to which many are called, but in the end few chosen. In fact, it's sort of like a race. See the seven guys lined up outside the door? They're all scheduled for the same time: eight AM. I know it sounds crazy. I mean, why overbook the time slot?
The reason is simple: Our salon offers a variety of shampoos. Some just clean the hair's surface; others go deeper, down to the roots; and still others penetrate far below the skin's surface into the very mindset of the individual. For those who wish a simple surface cleanser, we provide that. But for the one who is prepared to go deeper we reserve a special prize: a hair treatment guaranteed to last a lifetime.
And so it is that out of the seven candidates, only one shall win the prize. Who will it be? Who has truly prepared himself for this occasion? The Manager will decide.
By eight thirty they've each had a chance to do their catwalks down the Straight and Narrow runway, thus impressing us with their poise and etiquette.
Now it's time to invite them up front to be inspected.
The first candidate steps forward confidently, proudly flaunting his slicked back hair which exudes enough cover-up gel to kill a skunk. I highly suggest an extended period of time beneath our fire dryer to remove the "entombed Lazarus" odor and add genuine authenticity to negatively charged strands.
No smelly gel on the second candidate, yet his hair is greasier than an oil field. I recommend he come clean with our Confession Conditioner Rinse - the sort that will sink into all his stubborn pores in a way that promotes true change.
Number three is a lice magnet in need of a good dose of our famous Naaman Soak-In-The-Word Louse-and-Nit Remover, a proven cure for social leprosy.
The fourth candidate has locks that reek of seduction and conceit. God help my poor nose. Someone apply our special brand of Broken Hearted Finesse to his hair follicles. That should help tone down the arrogance. Phew!
Meanwhile Number five just won't stop yawning. The only cure is a wake-up call provided by our Three-Fold Cock Alarm Self Denial rinse. Hurry up and get it going, Peter. He needs help and quick!
Numbers six and seven are a bundle of nerves punctuated by bloodshot eyes. Their constantly twitching eyes and fierce knee jerk reactions speak louder than their multiple split ends. A strong solution of Anti-Worry electrolytes is just the consolation gift to reconnect those frayed edges. That should do them signs and wonders.
Too bad I haven't found the winner yet. Is Jesse sure these are all his sons?
What does he mean, David's out with the sheep? Go fetch him... Yes, we don't accept walk-ins. But this isn't a walk-in. The manager prearranged it...
You know, I just don't understand it. The ones that were punctual weren't ready, and now it looks like the one that's late may end up being the most ready of all... Sure enough, here he comes traipsing through the door all red faced and sweaty and smelling like a barn - on the outside anyway. But on this inside I smell the sweet scent of preparation. Ah...
I take out my horn and pour the oil on his hair, thus anointing and appointing him king of Israel. Out of all his brothers, he alone won the prize. They were called, but he was chosen. This is his date - his lasting date - with destiny.
We all have a date with destiny. Are you prepared? If not, then call us up for a free appointment.
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