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Previous Challenge Entry (EDITOR'S CHOICE)
Topic: Commitment (01/05/12)

TITLE: The Scurrying Flurrying Race Against Time
By Jenna Dawn
~10th Place


“Grab my hand!”

The roar of the helicopter threatened to drown the voice of the man dangling beneath it. His body looped around the landing skid with one arm extended toward a woman trapped on the roof of a burning building.

“Do it now! It’s gonna blow!”

The woman squinted from the smoke, looked into the eyes of the man and lunged toward him. The helicopter pulled away just as the top floor of the building exploded.

At least that’s how it appeared after special effects were added.

“Cut! That’s a wrap,” the director announced.

Still clinging to the helicopter, which was suspended within a large sound stage beside a green screen, Drew Ferring released his grip on the woman actor. She dropped to a soft air bag below followed by Drew. As he slid off the air bag he eyed his assistant. “Adam, what time is it?”

“5:30.” The young man looked at his iPad. “You have just enough time to make it to the meeting with Spielberg.”

“Adam, I told you to reschedule that.”

Drew grabbed a towel and began wiping makeup off his face as he walked off the set.

“Drew, come on.” Adam jogged to catch up. “You don’t reschedule Steven Spielberg. If you land his next movie – ”

“I can land his next movie tomorrow. Today I have an appointment.”

Opening his trailer door he stepped inside and glanced back at Adam. “Reschedule it.”

Drew flung the door closed, pulled off his clothes and threw on the button-down shirt and jeans he had arrived at the studio in. He slipped on his wedding ring he and snatched up his keys and phone, which began to ring. Noting the caller, he answered while exiting the trailer.

“Hey Tom.” He took quick strides toward his car.

“Hey man. What are you doing?”

“I got a thing.” Drew lifted his key fob and unlocked his car.

“Well, cancel your thing. I got prime tickets to the Lakers and an invite from Kobe to a party after.”

“Oh . . . man.” Drew opened the door of his BMW and slid behind the wheel. “Dude, I can’t.”

“Okay, you did not just say that. Maybe I should clarify. When I say prime tickets, I mean we’ll need a towel to wipe the sweat as it drips off the players and onto us. We’re talkin’ –”

“Tom! I’m sorry, man. I can’t go, but thanks for the invite.”

Pulling onto Melrose, Drew checked the time again. It was going to be close. His GPS displayed a travel time of an hour and twenty to his Malibu home.

A conversation with his agent helped pass the time on the 10 Freeway. Fifteen miles onto Pacific Coast Highway his wife called.

“Hey, Babe. I’m on PCH . . . ten minutes away.”

“Okay, everything is ready. See you soon.”

Drew smiled. “Love you.”

It was 6:58 as Drew turned onto his street and pulled past the gate to his estate. He jumped out of the car and sprinted up the steps as the front door opened. His wife greeted him with a top hat on her head and tuxedo coat extended with both hands.

Drew grinned and gave her a quick kiss. “You’re so sexy in that top hat, but I think I’ll take that.”

He snatched it from her head and placed it on his own, then slipped his arms into the jacket. “Thanks, Babe. I believe I have a crumpet waiting for me.”

“Mmm, yes. Butterscotch. You better get going. It’s seven o’clock exactly. You mustn't keep her highness waiting.”

Drew grabbed the handrail, took the stairs two at a time and knocked on a bedroom door. It opened, revealing a pink bedroom fit for a princess. There before him stood . . . his little princess; five years old, adorned in a lavender dress and sparkling tiara.

“Hello, Princess Brittany. Well don’t you look lovely?”

“Why, thank you, Lord Ferring. I was a little worried you wouldn’t make it.” Brittany moved to a little round table set with pink tea cups. Her teddy bear sat in one chair and her dolly in another.

“Sir Boo and Lady Molly have already arrived.” Brittany pulled a tiny chair out for her father.

“Thank you. I have so been looking forward to this tea party.”

Drew sat in the teeny chair while Princess Brittany poured invisible tea into his little pink cup. He took a sip.

“Mmmm . . . delicious.”

“Glad you like it, Lord Ferring. Crumpet?”

“Oh yes. Butterscotch . . . my favorite.”

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Member Comments
Member Date
James Brown01/12/12
In a world where fathers are shown as being stupid and uncaring, we have a gem that demonstrates how a real man operates. Family comes before business and pleasure.

The story flows well, with good transitions. The use of well known people strengthens his internal conflict. You keep the intrigue by having him evasive about the real meeting.

Overall, great job.
harvestgal Ndaguba01/12/12
Totally had me captivated from beginning to end. And oh how I loved the surprise ending. How lovely, what a wonderful father.
Ebony Murdoch01/12/12
This is a wonderful story. It's adventurous, lively, and teaches a valuable lesson on what's really important in life. Great job, Jen!
Judy Sauer 01/12/12
What a sweet, endearing story of a father who has his priority pole in the upright position. All the temptations couldn't sway him from what matters most. Nice job.
Brenda Shipman 01/13/12
Superb storytelling. Clap clap clap! Great intro, "real" dialogue, perfect pacing and timing, and wonderful message. I'm not real crazy about the title, for some reason, but can't think of an alternative. Hope you're working on a novel right now because you've got all the "right stuff". :-)
Theresa Santy 01/13/12
I popped in because the title promissed a high octane read. This piece met that promise and more, keeping me guessing to the very end. And dang it, you make me bawl like a baby at the end. So sweet, so dear.

I loved how you incorporated modern technology, loved how you demontrated the Hollywood high life, the life of having it all. You turned me all sappy, and cheesy, and the song 'we could have had it all by Adelle started playing in the back of my head, and I kept thinking this could have 'it all' but shuns it for what he holds most dear, all the while I'm wondering what that thing is. I was sure it had to do with his wife, but you tricked me. And what a pleasant trick it was.
C D Swanson 01/13/12
Cute story, and this will rank in the ratings for sure. Nicely done - adorable ending...Good job.
God Bless~
Virgil Youngblood 01/13/12
Excellent story with great pace and a delightful ending.
Anne Warden01/14/12
I agree with all the comments here. I especially liked the way James Brown put it -- "how a real man operates."

Excellent story! I was delighted that Lord Ferring made it in time to share in the tea party, with hat and tails and all his charm.
Linda Goergen01/15/12
Absolutely wonderful story, masterfully written! Every young father should read it! Sadly, in reality, I think few would bypass all this dad did to make it to the tea party! Just a beautiful and touching example of true commitment! My favorite read yet! Applause!
Danielle King 01/19/12
There's nothing left to add to the previous comments. Outstanding writing! And definitely a winner!
Brenda Shipman 01/19/12
Congratulations, Jennifer, on your ribbon! I'm not a bit surprised. Can't wait to read your next one...
annie keys01/19/12
Congratulations! Very well done; most excellent story!
C D Swanson 01/19/12
Congratulations on your win! God Bless~
Edmond Ng 01/19/12
A nicely written piece and an enjoyable read. Congratulation on winning second place at your level!
Leola Ogle 01/19/12
Congratulations on placing second with this delightful story!
Amanda Brogan01/19/12
Soooo sweet! This story about a committed family man melts in your mouth like a butterscotch crumpet. ;) At first I thought he was passing everything up for a date with his wife, but the father/daughter date was no less touching.

Very well done, and big congrats on your second place win and ... EDITOR'S CHOICE!!! Up to Master's you go. ;)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 01/19/12
I love this. The twist at the end is priceless. (I had guessed the important meeting was Church or prayer) It's nice to be surprised. Congratulations on your EC! I do believe it's your 3rd one and will bump you to Masters!
Jan Chapman01/21/12
It is a very good story with a great message. Loved it.
Charla Diehl 01/25/12
Jennifer, congratulations on moving into the Masters level with this tender and uplifting story. Loved the role of the dad. Great work.
Ekua Bartlett-Mingle02/02/12
Congrats! A well written piece! Was surprising and delightful to realize the appointment was with his daughter! God bless you for the lessons here.