Previous Challenge Entry (EDITOR'S CHOICE)
Topic: Spam (not the meat)( 11/03/11)
By Allison Egley
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"The plan is to watch others who try to infiltrate the enemy, to try to spot weaknesses. I will watch from my hiding spot and report back." Maps settled in and watched.
The first message tried to get a running start. "I must get past him. The message I carry is important!"
"Halt! Who goes there?" Spam Filter asked.
"Oh, it's just me. An innocent looking e-mail message..." the first message said.
"Not so fast. You look like spam to me."
"But... I'm NOT spam. I just know she'll want the product I'm selling."
"Sorry. To the junk mail file you go."
"I... I'm... just a message from an old friend," the next message said.
"And old friend who's account has been hacked, perhaps?"
"What would ever make you say that?"
"Because I know what kind of messages this person normally sends. To the junk mail pile you go."
"But... NO!" The message accepted his fate with resignation and walked towards the door marked "Junk Mail."
"I'm carrying an urgent message."
"You look like spam."
"But... I'm not. I've even got a reply attached to me. See?"
"Nice try, but it's an old trick now. Next."
"Mr. Spam Filter Sir, I requesing the urgant reply of your customer. I inherit much money...."
"You can't even speak proper English. It's the oldest trick in the book. Junk mail."
The next message approached. "Your customer's bank account has been compromised. I must get this message through."
"And just what is this customer's name?"
The message played innocent. "You expect me to know that? How could we ever get message to all of our precious customers if we had to customize each message with such a silly thing as a name? Certainly you understand how urgent this is."
"I certainly do."
"Yes. I realize how urgent it is that I report you to the authorities for a phishing scam."
"Fishing? You mean... tricking people into catching fish?"
Smoke began to spew from Mr. Spam Filterâ€™s head. "Don't play dumb with me. Now are you going to go peacefully or am I going to have to throw you over, hoping you don't graze the electric fence as you fly past? Don't make me blow a head gasket."
"Okay. Okay. I'll go. Gee. You don't have to be so pushy."
"Going for the friendly approach, I see? Not going to work. Junk mail."
"But Iâ€™m not spam."
"You're not, huh?"
"Nope. Don't you know what spam stands for?"
"Yes. â€˜Short, Pointless, Annoying Messages.â€™"
"Exactly. I'm not short. I'm long!"
"So you're... lpam?"
"Something like that."
"Ah, but you see, you've still got the main points.... pointless annoying message."
"I'm not pointless."
"If you print me out on paper, I can be kindle for a camp fire. Beat that."
"Well, you are most certainly an annoying message. And that, my friend, is enough to get you in the junk mail folder. But I've got to had it to you.... at least you were creative."
"But you still don't cut it. To junk mail you go."
"This is Maps reporting. Reconnaissance mission is complete. There appears to be almost no weakness in the enemy. The best approach would be to try to sneak past when he isn't looking. Wait a second. Stand by... I think I may see a chink in the enemy's armor. I'm going in. Will report if mission is successful.
"Maps here. I have infiltrated enemy lines by running through his legs. I am awaiting our target.
"Target approaching. Must remain inconspicuous. Over and out for now.
"Maps reporting. Urgent Bulletin. The human intelligence saw right through me. I've been taken as a prisoner of war, and I believe I am located in the so called 'Junk Mail Sector.' Please send help. I don't think I can last much longer."
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