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I’ve got four cats … well to be honest, my wife has four cats. I have four irritants. It’s not that I hate cats. I do like them – when they belong to someone else. I must admit that they do serve a purpose: companionship for my wife as well as a source of amusement. Although the entertainment of watching them chase a foil ball loses its enticement at 3 a.m.
We have an older orange and white male (Peanut) and a young, bulky gray tiger male (Sniper). Sandwiched in between are sisters – one orange and white (Yoko) and the other a tortoise shell (Tig). The interaction between these adorable pets brings laughter and frustration, often at the same time.
Yesterday, I spied Yoko sitting on a cat carrier, surveying the living room as an autocrat. Imagine if she and the others had a blog.
Yoko: Oh what a life. I reign over this fantastic kingdom with a properly trained mistress of the house – yet I must tread lightly around the other human. I still haven’t determined how to intimidate him…but I will. If not for him and that stupid Sniper I’d have the perfect life.
Sniper: Oh that Yoko is so arrogant, sitting up there as if she owns the place. Yet she doesn’t look so pompous when I spring out of hiding to tackle her … boy, can she hiss and growl. I just get started with my fun when the mistress yells at me and comforts Yoko. Because of that, I get locked in my room every time the lady leaves the house.
Peanut: Ahh, that Sniper reminds me of myself a few years ago: agile, quick and cunning. Now, at my age, it hurts to tread from room to room. That’s okay though, I’ve a warm house and plenty of food … but those hard, chunky bits are anything but satisfying. It’s not fair. I’m delegated that stuff while the humans eat all kinds of exquisite cuisine. When I sit and stare, they get offended and send me away.
Yoko: Had a pleasant surprise today: the lady locked Sniper in his room and then left for most of the day. Peanut got jailed with Sniper, so my sister and I had the run of the house. We chased each other up and down the halls until we were ready to drop. When the lady arrived home, we were sacked out on the table, soaking up the warm rays of the sun. What a day.
Tig: My sister is so bossy. Our nemesis gets locked up, so I figure I’ll have a nice, quiet day… right. Sister wants to run and play, and of course, what sister wants, sister gets. We wear ourselves out and settle down for a catnap. I figure I’ll be a good sister and give her a bath. She relaxes, enjoying the treatment when unexpectedly she bites me. Well, I’m not going to lie there and take it, so I bite her back. Just like that we’re tumbling around and fall off the table. Somehow we manage to get back up and feign sleep before the lady arrives.
Sniper: I can’t believe I’ve been stuck in this room all day. All Peanut wants to do is sleep. Besides that, it’s no fun pestering him. When he doesn’t ignore me, he attacks. He may be old, but he packs a wallop. Too bad Yoko isn’t stuck in here …
Tig: I wasn’t feeling well today, so my owner stuffed me into a tiny crate and carted me away to a place where they poked and prodded me. Not content with that, they proceeded to jab me with a sharp needle. After all that, she sucked up to me and played nice, so I hammed it up with my pitiful meow. When we got home and she opened the prison door, I scooted out and ignored her the rest of the day. To rub it in, I fawned over my male owner while continuing to ignore her. Boy was she miserable. For the crowning achievement, I rubbed on her leg while purring. When she bent over to pet me, I ran off … that’ll teach her.
Reading their blogs, I discover why I dislike cats so – they remind me of me. Proud, aloof, focused on my comfort, overly curious and ready to take a nap at a moment’s notice. Maybe I’ll keep them around for a subtle reminder of my own shortcomings.
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