Well, it’s Friday night on the Lily Fusilli Show, and you all know what that means. It’s time for our “shriek of the week.” This week, our winner hails from Rhyme City. She’s the little lady with the supercharged scream: Miss Millie Muffet. Welcome, Miss Muffet.
Thank you, Lily.
Now, Miss Muffet; please tell us your story.
Oh, Lily, I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.
Come now; you don’t look like a lady who scares easily.
I’m not – but that time I couldn’t help it.
Please tell us your story.
Well, like most people in Rhyme City, I worked for Mother Goose. She’s the sweetest boss, but she only gave us fifteen minutes for a lunch break. That day, when I walked in the lunchroom, all the chairs were taken. So, I had to sit on a tuffet.
What’s a tuffet?
It’s like a little stuffed chair, but with no back.
I see. Please, continue.
Well, that day I’d brought curds and whey for lunch. It’s just glorified cottage cheese, as far as I’m concerned, but I guess if they call it by a fancy name, they can charge more for it. Anyway, just as I was about to begin eating, I looked up and saw a spider.
That must have been just awful. Was it enormous?
Well, not really – but, still; it was so unexpected. I have nothing against spiders, you understand - but they don’t belong in a lunch room; scaring innocent workers out of their pantaloons.
Of course they don’t. Please, go on…
There he was, slowly descending, right along side of me. That stopped me from eating. I was mesmerized. He just slowly slid down, inch by inch. He had the most sinister look on his face. And then he… oh, I just can’t say it.
Please, Miss Muffet – we’re all here for you.
He … sat down beside me.
Right next to you? On the tuffet?
Yes. It was horrible. That … awful arachnid was sitting right on my tuffet. He raised his beady little eyes and looked at me.
What did you do?
Well, what could I do? I jumped up and screamed. My lunch tumbled out of my hands and on to the ground. I couldn’t bear the thought of that – creature, sitting there so brazenly on my tuffet. I just screamed and screamed – and ran out of the lunch room.
I imagine that caused quite a commotion.
I’m afraid so, Lily. Everyone had been eating their own lunches – except for Mother Hubbard’s kids, who were already done drinking their broth, and Georgie Porgie, who’d gulped down his puddin’ and pie. I suppose I must have screamed pretty loudly, because my scream shattered all the windows in the room. Everyone was so startled; they all dropped what was left of their own lunches. Between the broken glass and the dropped food on the floor, it certainly ruffled Mother Goose’s feathers.
What happened next?
Well, Mother Goose wasn’t happy with the ruckus I’d made, though she said she understood. The other employees were upset with me because they’d lost parts of their lunches. And every time I looked at that tuffet… well, I … I just couldn’t work there, anymore.
So, what will you do now?
I’m not sure. I guess you could say I’m exploring my options. I’ve lived and worked in Rhyme City all my life, but I’ve heard the Grimm Brothers may be looking for a heroine for their next story, so I’m thinking of heading their way.
Well, that certainly sounds exciting. Thanks so much for talking to us, Miss Muffet. We all wish you the best. That’s all for tonight, folks. Next week, we’ll talk to the Queen Sixpence, who found twenty four singing blackbirds when she cut into a pie. It should be a scream.
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