“Put your money where your mouth is.”
Marsha Mellow stood before us and uttered those seven powerful words while blinking wildly as is her custom and twisting her hands without pause.
“Like we don't already do that. Ha! Do you know how much a caramel macchiato at Starbucks costs these days?” Sue Flay responded.
“Sue, dear...please, don't interrupt. Marsha is right. We could all use some... tightening up.” I was sure Marsha had found just the right solution to an age-old problem: mature women having any chance of changing their figures for the better.
“Thank you, Liz. And let me thank you for opening up your home for this meeting to address the needs of our senior women. Let's all give Liz Onnia a hand!”
The small group balanced cheesecake and coffee as they managed to applaud.
We had been issued the ultimate challenge at Wednesday night's meeting of Salt Shakers, our women's group at Calvary Baptist Church. Our leader, Heaven Leigh Day, on whose svelte form a size four hung, decided it was past time for the women to lead by example.
“Ladies, we must work hard to be the healthy, vital, self-controlled women God expects of us.” The meeting was concluded by the reading of Romans 12:1, present your bodies a living sacrifice...
My senior friends had agreed to meet at my home to discuss a plan of action to match the results of younger Salt Shaker members whose gym memberships and liposuction was commonplace.
Marsha continued by holding up the undergarment for all to see. Looking like a wet suit for whales, The Amazonator, guaranteed to reduce all figures at least two sizes with its powerful latex.
“My sister swears by hers.” Chris Koe had brought the secret weapon to the meeting. “Only $79.95 with her discount.”
“Swears, indeed.” Kandi Appel whispered to Cherrie Crisp. “I hear she wears a shaper thong.”
“Please, sign the sheet and include your size. I'll be ordering today and they should arrive on Friday. Personal checks are fine.” Marsha was the first to put her name on the list.
Seven orders followed; each buyer visualizing a smaller waistline, a lifted bust, a slimmer silhouette and corrected posture, all without so much as cutting out chocolate or cheesecake.
The order arrived on schedule and we eagerly looked to Sunday morning to reveal our slimmer shapes.
I pushed back my fat clothes and reached deep into my closet for the little black number I had secreted away. Today is your debut.
The extra thirty minutes it took dressing was totally worth it. I was in my little black dress! My breathing was just deep enough to keep me conscious and my stride was more shuffle and less saunter, but, I was upright. My husband's admiring glance made all the pain worthwhile.
Arriving at church, I was met with several approving looks as I slowly lowered my new body onto the pew. Seated to my right was another of our group, May O'Nays, in a most fetching yellow dress. Reaching over, she grasped my hand a little harder than usual and I noticed the smile on her face and the tears in her eyes.
Directly in front of me sat Sue Flay and Chris Koe wearing new outfits. Sue could only offer me a moan of hello; but, Chris was able to turn toward me by rotating her entire upper body slowly.
“Have you lost weight?” I overheard Ophelia Payne ask Patty Meldt who sat across the aisle. Patty was wearing a spandex skirt in vivid blue.
All went well for the announcements and prayer. Greeting time was made more manageable by comments of, you're looking so well... that's such a lovely dress... you're looking trim...
Basking in all the compliments, we smiled at each other and silently thanked our secret weapon.
Pastor I.D.Clair, chose this Sunday for one of his long sermons causing much squirming and groaning among those of us with controlled waistlines, corrected postures and lifted busts.
The closing hymn had never been more welcomed. I could hear our group sing out louder than usual creating more than a few stares.
OH!! OW!! I Love Jesus!
OH!! OW!! I Love Jesus!
OH!! OW!! I Love Jesus!...
Accept Jesus as Your Savior Right Now and be Certain of Eternal Life.
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