“Leafy greens, leafy greens.” My doctor said to eat leafy greens; the guy at the health club said to eat leafy greens. “What in the world are leafy greens?”
“What are you muttering about?” My wife obviously overheard my consternation.
“Leafy greens. This whole rack is covered with green stuff; how do I know what I am supposed to eat?”
“Lots of good food. You eat lettuce.” She picked up a head of lettuce and put it in our cart.
“Yeah, on hamburgers.”
“Defeats the purpose. Doctor said no more fatty foods.” She added various other vegis to the cart.
I could feel my face flush. “But, I don’t like salads.”
“Wanna bet? I’ll eat more broccoli; it’s green.” I put some fresh broccoli into a plastic bag and placed it on the scale.
My wife looked up at the weight. “Good idea, but without cheese sauce.”
“Hey, you take all the enjoyment out of eating.”
“I think I would like to have you around a few more years. We’re going to eat right for a change.”
“Okay. You say this green stuff will make me live longer. How long will it take you to starve me?”
She laughed. “Grow up.”
My wife walked toward the back of the store.
I hurried to catch up. We passed the chips aisle and I reached for a bag of corn chips. She slapped my hands.
“Hey, it’s corn.”
She glared at me. “It’s saturated fat and salt. You might as well get a bag and go straight the emergency room, they can start an IV as you finish the crumbs.”
“Sheesh, you’re no fun at all.”
We rolled past some great looking steaks, but stopped in front of boneless, skinless, chicken breasts. She picked up two packages. “This weekend you can grill these with some onions and peppers and a touch of oil.”
“Okay, then what’s for dessert?”
“Fruit, I’ll slice some peaches.” She turned the cart and headed for the frozen fruit section. I headed for ice cream. “Get back here.” Her voice echoed over the cooler.
Dutifully, I returned to her aisle. She picked up a bag of mixed fruit and a few additional items. “I think we’re done.”
I winked. “Naw, you forgot the Krispy Kremes.”
“They quit making them.”
I stopped. “No way.”
“They did for you. I just saw a box that read 'no tubby guys allowed.'”
“If it keeps you from falling dead, it’s worth the risk of explaining it to the Lord.”
I acted miffed. “You’re impossible.”
“No you are.” She scooted past me. “I forgot a cucumber.”
“Is it green?”
While she was gone I ogled the candy racks. I had a prescription in my pocket. And, for a moment I considered wadding up the tiny piece of paper and opting for a Snickers Bar. The doctor warned me about my age and weight. Everything was out of whack. I had to make a lifestyle change, and do it immediately. I even had an appointment with a nutritionist coming up.
My wife returned.
I pointed at my watch. “We need to move along, church dinner is at six o’clock.”
“We won’t be late, but here’s the deal; you eat one fried chicken breast, and peal off the skin, no potatoes, and no bread, and I’ll let you have some of the jello salad for desert.”
“So, okay; I still get tea right?”
“Nope, tonight you are drinking water. No more sweet tea.”
I shook my head. “Sheesh.”
She rubbed my back. “I’m going to have the same thing, you won’t be alone.”
“You can have all the salad you want, and I will even bring some fat free dressing with us,” she paused, “just like Bill and Sara.”
“Bill looks good for his age.” I thought for a second. “I think he’s in his 70s.”
“But, it took a heart attack last year to change his habits. I don’t want you on that path.”
The checkout line was getting shorter and I was able to start unloading the cart. “I guess I have never read an obituary that started, ‘death by green leafy vegetable.’”
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