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This excerpt is the introduction to Winter Fairies, my poetry. It best defines me.
So, this is my profile. Thank you for coming to read, Dears.
This is a poem that was created while existing day by day and moment to moment not knowing when deliverance would come. It is a poem written while disconnecting from an abusive marriage. A "Christian" marriage by definition.
It is the mind's ability to separate from tragedy that is powerful and different for all people. In my case, escapism through imagination helped recreate my immediate environment and find a sence of goodness and saftey when utter bleakness prevailed.
I'm thankful to my Lord who gave me the escape outlet of creative folklore to express myself and make my existence tolerable.
Though some Christians will judge my writing of fairies as demonic, I do not apologize, as some do not understand trauma and even saying this will not properly clarify my poetry's innocence. They, who have not walked in a victim's shoes, simply cannot get the message, as it is "gotten" by knowing and experiencing. And yes, living in torture is demonic, and ungodly. Many Christians and others live in violent relationships, that are plainly evil. The cruelty of human meaness is demonic.
To the victims, I give you my 'Winter Fairies.' May you enjoy an outlet for your situation. I invite you to inter my world of escapism, and I hope you find relativity found in disconnection. Where disconnecting makes safety a possibility.
Thank you for your precious time to read and trying to understand.
God bless to you who know the fears of a tortuous marriage or friendship.
Thank you my sweet Lord for giving me creativity, magic, wonder, delight and the knowledge that You never left me alone.
You never left me and gave me something to be happy about and proud to present.
*There a warning signs that you are involved with an abuser.
Controllers are abusive people.
They are sweet at church
At home they are hateful to their families.
If they hurt the pet, they will hurt you eventually.
They may read the Bible
They do not practice the love of Christ.
They use scriptures to control or manipulate.
They hate people who don't fit their Christian mold, beware.
Use publicdata.com to research your future spouse.
This is not an ad for that website, but is the same that is used in a court of law.
Although abusers are mostly men, sometimes they are women.
Always tell someone. See SAFIC
Those who tell, live longer. Fact
Do not change your your daily routines. Because they are controllers, changed behaviors and daily routines that change, throw them into a panic, that creates hell for the victim.
Keep a journal, but keep it hidden.
Lastly, seek help.
Please remember, if you have children, and they live with the abuser, they are also a victim. Often, they grow up learning the lessons of the abuser. Either, they will become an abuser, or they will become the doormat. To keep them in this situation is abusive. Therefore, it is better to remove them, than to keep them in an environment of abuse. It becomes an act of abuse, not to protect them by removing their young developing egos.
Please know, their lack of caring for you and the family is not anything that you did or didn't do. The abuser doesn't love their self first, so they will not love you. They simply cannot.
Consider Joseph and his love and protection of Mary. The abuser doesn't know this kind of love. You may pray they have a Damascus Road experience, like I did. Well, God gave me that eye opening revelation. He showed me the truth. And, from finding the truth, my eyes saw and my spirit knew, I was not imagining my dire situation and I was not "crazy." You (probably) are not "crazy" either, though at times you think you're loosing your mind. Seek help for strengthening you, for what must be done, by you.
Again, thank you for reading and understanding.
I know writing this is touching someone. If this is you, you may contact me by email, below. Since I work full time, I may not get back to you asap, but I will contact you when I possible. There is so much you must know and do to protect yourself and your children. I don't "know it all," but in the middle of my situation, I took police courses and forensic courses to learn and to make a plan. Little did they know, I was living in the victim's role. But, no longer! Praise God!
God bless YOU! You must know The Lord doesn't like the situation you are involved in and He wants you safe and delivered from "The Accusor of The Breatheran."
Reach me at bonniegjennings@gmail.com
Here are my poems, WINTER FAIRIES and if you so want to read the continuing saga RETURN TO THE FOREST found at bojenn@wordpress.com
May God's peace rest in your heart and mind.
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