TITLE: What I am Learning About Trust
By Kathy Davidson
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What I am Learning about………Trust
Kathy P. Davidson
Hard times, difficult circumstances, precarious situations, they come to us all. It came to me in the form of unemployment after twenty-six years as an educator, the last nineteen at a Christian school. I taught there, laughed and cried there, ministered there, saw my son and friends’ sons and daughters graduate there, I “prinicipaled” there, and now I was no longer there, my job eliminated due to loss of enrollment, the down turn in the economy, the advent of new leadership at the church of which the school operated under. In one day my life changed and as I write this I am still in the ranks of the unemployed along with my husband who was laid off from a local retail chain store after five years, in a failing economy, with an unpredictable stock market, and the apprehension of the advent of a new presidency.
Job searching is not an easy task and at fifty-one and fifty-six, you are either too old, too experienced, or less preferred over the younger models that can be paid less, and are less threatening to those whom you will work with on the job. My husband and I have waded through thousands of jobs on line, in the classifieds, and leads by word of mouth. We have interviewed, applied on line, cold called perspective employers, and faced too qualified, not qualified enough, rejections in the mail and by phone.
It has turned from summer to fall since this season in our life began, and today as the leaves blow dry upon the driveway and the sky looks like it could pucker up and
snow. I imagine myself in my car anxious to reach my destination, but hopelessly stuck in the snow and mud. The more I hit the accelerator, the deeper the tires, the greater the spin, the deeper the tires, until I am axel deep in the snow and mud, and a circle of muddy sludge surrounds me. I know that the best way to get out of this mess, other than rescue by a wrecker, is to rock the car back and forth and hope you get traction, but I think my back tires are too deep. And so I sit here and it is cold and it is damp, and I am stuck and afraid. Night is falling, and the air is colder, and now ice will replace the sludge. All I need is for someone to come along, maybe lift up on the back tires, but who would want to do that, risk being covered in the cold mud for a stranger.
I get out of the car and I look up and down the road. No one in sight, the road looks deserted, the snow and the cold have driven people in for the night. So I get back inside to warm up, pull my coat around me tighter, maybe I should try again. Crank up the engine, hit reverse, hit forward, and I feel the back wheels lift, the car rises, my front tires hit solid ground, traction, I’m moving forward, the hole is left behind.
What happened, where did the lift come from? I look back to see a stranger, knee deep in the snow, clothes muddy, hair wet and dripping. What can I say to this stranger, what can I do? How could this stranger do this for me, he doesn’t know me. Though I needed help, I didn’t deserve it. I see me, as I am fussing, griping, complaining, angry at myself, at others, at God. How I’ve struggled with trust in the One who deserves my trust the most.
And then, I see the eyes and they see me and then I know, Jesus, who else? That mud on Him should be on me, that coldness that dampens the bones and the spirit and makes me fear and takes away my hope, the trap that is a real as the knee deep snow, it belongs to me, not Him. Yet, He takes it all and with one lift pushes me forward. Don’t look back He says, don’t worry about the mud, it will disappear, and the cold dampness will be replaced by warmth, remember, “I am the light of the world.” This season shall pass, night is almost over, and spring is coming. Trust me to do what is best for you.
So I accept the rescue, I trust the Lifter, run to His embrace, I move forward, and I move on.
“But You, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the One who lifts up my head.” Psalm 3:3 NIV
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