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TITLE: How To Milk A Cow In 8 Easy Steps
By Jim Oates
12/01/08
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If There are any country or farm folk out there you might see the humour in this piece.
Growing up on a small farm, I was soon introduced to the chores that had to be done. Everyone had to pitch in, as a small boy; my very first responsibility was to collect eggs. This was a fearsome job for a little guy, I had to grope around under the hens as they sat on the nest; some hens were quite cooperative but other resented the intrusion of their privacy.

I soon graduated to bigger things, they needed to be fed and watered. The feeding part was easy but the water had to be carried some distance in a pail. It seemed as if I always had a cold wet leg, as the water always sloshed against my leg and into my rubber boot.

As I grew, I was able to carry a larger pail and that meant I could now feed the pigs, we always had a couple weanling pigs to raise.

When I was about ten or so I was introduced to yet another pail, it seemed my whole life revolved around pails of some description. My older brother was only too happy and willing to share this pail and the job that went with it, milking the cow. And this brings me to what I really wanted to share with you.

How to milk a cow in 8 easy steps:

#1 Approach your cow from behind on her right side.

#2 Reassure her with a gentle hand on her rump, and in a quiet, loving voice, speak her name.

#3 Grasp the stool in your left hand and the pail in your right, place the stool between your legs and the pail under her udder. Make sure the udder has been washed and dried, (this is very important).

#4 As you sit on the stool, lean forward and with your head thrust into her flank, gently take a teat in each hand.

#5 In sequence apply pressure to the index finger then the second, third and fourth with a downward pull of the hand, first one hand then the other (youíll soon get the hang of it.)

#6 If you have been successful with this maneuver, smile, you should soon have your pail about ĺís full.

#7 If not, her right foot will come up, then come down into the pail.

#8 Do not cry over spilt milk, you will have another chance to improve your skill in about ten to twelve hours.

Warning: Watch out for the tail with those little balls on it. It can be a lethal weapon.
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