Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
THE CRITIQUE CIRCLE

BACK TO
CRITIQUE CIRCLE

INSTRUCTIONS
COMPLETE
INSTRUCTIONS HERE

CRITIQUE GUIDELINES

CRITIQUE TIPS

HELP TOUR

It's easy to critique the works of others and get your work critiqued. Just follow the steps below:

1) Post your first piece.

2) You must then critique the work of another member to post another piece yourself.

3) For each critique you give, you earn 1 credit that can be used to post another one of your writings.

4) You can build up credits to be used at another time by giving critiques to others.
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST





TITLE: Delivery
By Leah Nichols
09/13/08
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND

This is my initial draft....I know I have some editing to do but I wanted to check with others regarding the content of this piece. This is my normal day's work, but I'm not sure if it's too descriptive for the layman who knows nothing of birth. :)

Also, I'm attempting iambic pentameter, which was Shakespeare's primary rhythm. I think it has too much straight pentameter, so I'm going to revise some of the lines to have more of an exception so it's not just "de-DUM-de-DUM" all the way through. Please feel free to write an honest critique (red ink acceptable) as I know I have plenty to do yet as far as editing!
When once upon a time the night grew long
As waiting for our shift to come to end
We gathered in the classroom to devour
A salad made of many parts to blend

Just as we sat, indulging in our meal
A ringing came from phone before so hushed
Upon the answer of the call we knew
In minute's time we'd all be pressed and rushed

For coming up from triage soon would be
A woman young and inexperienced
And in that moment, there upon the gurney
Her second stage of labor had commenced

Report we heard from shaking ER tech
That shouting could be heard from miles around
With brief examination at the door
The crowning head of infant they had found

Away we flew to prep the birthing suite
While charge nurse placed the call to wake the doc
Our speedy nursery nurse did set the bed
And I ran to the cupboards to take stock

Throwing the gown, a blanket, O-2 mask
Upon the table's only open space
I laid the straps out for the monitor
The pieces readied, baby's heart to trace

Then running to the cart to set the stage
For birthing of the babe soon to be seen
The instruments I placed with care and order
In sterile fashion laid by my routine

The room now prepped, we waited for arrival
Of shouting woman heard beyond the doors
And in she flew upon the wheelchair's seat
Then crawled up into bed upon all fours

I struggled hard to set the straps upon
Her body writhing in unyielding pain
And all the while she called for epidural
Impossibility we couldn't explain

For with each push the babe came nearly out
And soon without a doc she'd have to be
Delivered of her firstborn child tonight
Of pain in moments now she'd soon be free

Slipping the sterile gloves upon my hands
I braced myself to guide the baby's head
The nursery nurse stood by with towel poised
To dry the infant once it hit the bed

The mother screamed as with one push it crowned
Its cheeks popped out as soon as face unveiled
A second more for shoulders to come out
And in my waiting hands the babe inhaled

With squalling infant now delivered safe
My nimble fingers grasped to cut the cord
In mother's hands we placed her newborn boy
She sighed on seeing labor's great reward

The doc came in to finish up the job
For rest of the repair and checking mom
In moment's time the mess was thoroughly cleaned
And all the chaos settled into calm

Remaining hour flew by with much to do
My paperwork to finish up just right
And as the day shift came to work they asked,
"What really is it that you do all night?"
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
YOUR CREDITS

LOGIN HERE




REMINDER:

REMEMBER, this is a Critique Circle. Please try to give a critique to receive a critique. If you do not want to give any critiques, you can use the REGULAR ARTICLE SUBMISSION area. If you are unsure about how to critique, please use the CRITIQUE GUIDELINES and CRITIQUE TIPS.

VIEWING CRITIQUES:

To view your critiques that you receive on any writing, login to your account and click "CRITIQUE CIRCLE MANAGEMENT" to view all of your critiques and edit each piece. Then, click "VIEW CRITIQUES" next to the article title to view critiques on that piece. Comments on all of your writings when using the Critique Circle will not be displayed publicly as regular and writing challenge articles. They can only be viewed by accessing them from your account.