TITLE: Treasures of Darkness
By Julie Seeto
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Scripture quotes from New King James Version.
Sleepless nights, early morning starts and long days had taken their toll on my thinking and started me on a downward spiral of negativity. Typical depressive thoughts such as ‘You know you are worthless, Nothing you do is right, You are no good for anything;”. dominated my life. I knew God understood and He still cared about me, but these facts brought me little comfort because He seemed so distant. .
After a few weeks of this my thoughts became so negative and serious that during one particularly bad and sleepless night I found myself even questioning God, saying “God, You shouldn’t have made me. I’m no good to You at all. All I do is mess things up. Why did let me be born? Why did you make me at all?” I felt like Job in his misery.
The next morning, exhausted and at rock bottom, I pleaded with God, “Father, I need You. Forget all that I am. Forget my worthlessness. I need to hear from You today. Please, please speak to me.” I sat down with my bible and asked simply, “Lord show me where to read. I need to hear from You.”
“Isaiah,” the still small voice within me said.
“Isaiah? … But Isaiah is such a big book, where exactly in Isaiah?”
I sighed as I opened to Isaiah, thinking to myself, “… and what would Isaiah have to do with me right now?”
My bible opened at Isaiah chapter 46 and my eyes were drawn to verses 3 & 4:
'Listen to Me, O house of Jacob,
And all the remnant of the house of Israel,
Who have been upheld by Me from birth,
Who have been carried from the womb:
Even to your old age, I am He,
And even to gray hairs I will carry you!
I have made, and I will bear;
Even I will carry, and will deliver you.'
They were comforting words to me, so I thanked the Lord for His encouragement. Although my negative thoughts still plagued me, I had the Lord's assurance that He was carrying and would deliver me. Later that day, I felt that I needed to read more of Isaiah—that the Lord hadn’t yet finished speaking to me. So I turned to the bible again intending to read the previous chapter but unwittingly opened at chapter 55 and started reading. Verses 8-9 stood out to me:
'“ For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.
“ For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts."'
These words were so familiar to me, yet suddenly, the penny dropped and I saw that this was true. All of those thoughts about myself were not the way the Lord thought about me. He sees us all differently. He doesn’t turn a blind eye to my weaknesses, but He does see beyond them. I’m not exactly sure what He does think about me, but I know it’s not what I think about me! I realized I was wrong to dwell so heavily in that negativity which only pulled me down further, so I asked for and received His forgiveness. A weight was lifted from my mind. “Thank You Lord. You are so faithful to speak to me even when I am faithless.”
But He wasn’t done with me just yet. I then realized I was actually reading the ‘wrong’ chapter—I had wanted to read chapter 45 to carry on from the morning—so I turned to 45 and read to verse 3.
'I will give you the treasures of darkness
And hidden riches of secret places,
That you may know that I, the LORD,
Who call you by your name,
Am the God of Israel.'
‘Wow,’ I thought, ‘You really have given me ‘treasures of darkness’ - if I hadn’t been in such a dark place, I would never have discovered this nugget of treasure. Thank You Lord.’
I kept reading. When I got to verses 9 & 10, my jaw dropped! The Lord was certainly speaking loud now!
“Woe to him who strives with his Maker!
Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth!
Shall the clay say to him who forms it, ‘What are you making?’
Or shall your handiwork say, ‘He has no hands’?
Woe to him who says to his father, ‘What are you begetting?’
Or to the woman, ‘What have you brought forth?’”
‘Oh dear Lord, forgive me. How could I be so foolish to strive with You. You know exactly what You are doing with my life. Increase my faith to trust You in every place, at every step. And help me to remember that my thoughts are not Your thoughts. Amen.’
“My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD,
Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;
For whom the LORD loves He chastens,
And scourges every son whom He receives.” Heb 12:5-6
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