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The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
THE CRITIQUE CIRCLE

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It's easy to critique the works of others and get your work critiqued. Just follow the steps below:

1) Post your first piece.

2) You must then critique the work of another member to post another piece yourself.

3) For each critique you give, you earn 1 credit that can be used to post another one of your writings.

4) You can build up credits to be used at another time by giving critiques to others.
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TITLE: Darling! I am waiting for you!
By esther robinson
01/26/08
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Detailed critique would be appreciated. Suggestion for changes are welcome.
Late to bed the previous night
Like a plant away from sunlight
‘Tiredness’ engulfed my sight
Everything around me looked so bright

‘Hurry up! Hurry up!’ Shouted my spirit
‘There’s forty minutes in credit
If punctual to office you earn a merit
Else, your salary will show debit.’

Like a fast forwarded movie in action
Giving no room for any distraction
Peeking at clock after every fraction
Of work done, bearing the day’s frustration

Kept aside works that demand extra knack
And prioritizing some important work
Over my choices I did pat my back
Imagining goodness would fill my sack

Bidding adieu to my daughter I rushed down
Her cries brought the roof down
In doing so, she soiled her gown
Far away to work, I went to the town

After work, I approached home
Named ‘Elim’ – a perfect epitome
Dreaming of food and rest on foam
To weary travelers like me who roam

Of all the beauty they say
A child’s smile is like a sun’s ray
Bringing hope, making anyone gay
From worldly cares that makes one sway

‘Mummy!’ With outstretched arms
From afar I could see her charms
Twin teddy toy car clasped palms
Her tender voice my heart did warm

That’s when God His words spoke
They, like thousand arrows my heart did poke
An unknown fear my throat did choke
Understood I, what His anger did provoke

‘You rejoice over your daughter’s waiting
Your heart like a goat separated from kid is bleating
Darling! Likewise from morn I’ve been waiting
To hear your voice My heart is thumping.”

Tears without my volition ran
Throwing out contents from my can
I cried, “In my anxiety to run life’s race
Forgive me for forgetting Your grace.”

From then, before beginning the day
I sat to hear what He had to say
He promised with me to stay
Making me gay throughout the day

Daily read the Bible and pray
For that alone is the practical only way
To get equipped everyday for life’s fray
That makes one victorious come what may.
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