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TITLE: If Only My Mom or Someone Had Told Me? #26 (c)
By gene hudgens

Critiques are needed
Marriage is our most important buniness venture.

I remember that my mom tried very hard to advise me not to rush in to my first marriage without carefully considering all of the advantages AND the consequences.

She begged me to bring my fiancée to visit and meet her and my dad. I refused, because I was an adult and I felt I was capable of making wise decisions.

Mom tried to explain that I was away from home for the first time, that I was 3000 miles from home, that I was lonesome, that I was experiencing my first love, that when a boy and a girl are the same age…she is still four years more mature, that my fiancée was actually one and a half years older than me…and that she was a single mother.

I refused to listen because I was an adult, I was in the military, and I was a mature nineteen year old man. She was nice looking, made me feel loved, and her two year old son and I got along just fine. I really loved the kid. I was convinced that if I showed unselfish love to her she would naturally love me even more and appreciate that I loved her son and accepted him as my son. I blindly accepted the fairy tale version of love at first sight, having a little house with a white picked fence, and living happily ever after.

After one and a half years of marriage (mostly other than pretty) I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. Because my granddaddy was a Methodist preacher and I had been brought up in a church going family, I suffered for ten years hoping a miracle might happen and things would get better and I could avoid a divorce.

Things got worse instead of better and after ten years I realized that I had basically wasted ten valuable years of my life with the wrong partner…and basically because I had refused to even consider the wise advice from my mother and at least delay rushing into a marriage out of my stubbornness.

Marriage is the most serious business agreement a male and a female ever make. I say business because that is really what it is. A successful long term partnership certainly takes a lot more than words of love, occasional passionate feelings of love, religious teachings, and a one sided effort.

Partners need to first respect each other. With respect love grows. Without respect love dies. Partners need to have joint goals and work together day and night to achieve these goals. As this progresses, trust develops, respect increases, and love grows to the point one partner can’t do enough to make the other partner happy.

When I met my present wife I was somewhat scared (at least cautious) and definitely tested the water before jumping into the lake. She felt the same…and for many of the same reasons I had. We dated for months and had fun for months and I don’t think either of us had marriage on our minds. Maybe we did, but we were both careful not to scare the other off.

When we met she was working and I had a very demanding job that required working out of town for a few days at a time. Three months after we met I asked her to come with me to the lawyer’s office. She likely figured I just wanted her company. When we met the lawyer I stated that I wanted a power of attorney drawn-up giving my girl friend full power of attorney over everything. The lawyer rejected, saying this was most likely not a wise idea. I insisted, had the deed drawn-up and then I gave it to her there in the lawyer’s office.

She resisted, but after I explained that I needed her help she accepted the paper and then said, “If this is what you really want I will help you, but you never have to worry a minute, I’ll never hurt you.” The lawyer smiled and we left.

I had my income checks and my bills mailed to my apartment. I explained that I needed her to cash my checks and pay my bills. We were married a year later, but I never saw any of my income checks for three years. I was not even sure how much the checks were for.
However, I was certainly pleasantly surprised at the end of those three years. She showed me that we had $18,000 in the bank. She had managed to save $500 a month.

Forty years later we can see the results of the hundreds of thousands of dollars we’ve invested in our children and our home, due primarily to her honesty, determination, and business ability. My little Tiger from Freudenstadt, Germany never let her partner down.

There is philosophy in this little story. Marriage is so important that we all need to go very slowly and try to the best of our ability to choose the right partner. Both partners need to prove them selves to each other many times.

There is nothing morally wrong with marrying a person from a different culture, different race, different religions, different backgrounds, different schooling, and a wide age difference. However, a successful marriage is difficult under the very best conditions. When we choose to add major known problem areas to a marrige we must realize that we are adding weight to the failure side of the scale.

Wise teens and young adults will do a lot of talking with marriage experts and do a lot of reading about the major problems that prevent a happy marriage.

Marriage will never cure a mixed-up mind or make a basically unsatisfied prson satisfied, or solve personal problems. Marriage isn’t where you just “play house”. Marriage can ruin your life and your partner’s life…and certainly the lives of innocent children you may selfishly bring into this cruel world.

Children NEVER solve marriage problems. Only unwise, child like, selfish, irresponsible, uncaring individuals sacrifise the lives and future of babies and children to solve the mistakes they ignorantly made. Amen!
© Gene Husdgens
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