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The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
THE CRITIQUE CIRCLE

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CRITIQUE CIRCLE

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It's easy to critique the works of others and get your work critiqued. Just follow the steps below:

1) Post your first piece.

2) You must then critique the work of another member to post another piece yourself.

3) For each critique you give, you earn 1 credit that can be used to post another one of your writings.

4) You can build up credits to be used at another time by giving critiques to others.
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TITLE: To Die For
By David (The Goliath Assassin)
09/22/07
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Alright, Ladies! How's this one make you feel? Be specific.

Men, how many of you are on the same page as me? What one line (if any) would you steal?

English majors, are there any typos or other suggestions you might have to make this one better?

Christian metal-heads, how would you like to hear this one blastin' through your stereo?
Show me a soldier who is trapped in despair!
Sword in sheath as he feasts without care
For his country as it is turning bare
Around his decadence, which is beyond compare!

Show me the man who built this on his own!
The man who, by himself, has fitted every stone!
The man who sat back to rest as his glory shown
And became wicked, arrogant down to the bone!

I will show you a man who has went too long
Without a lover to tell him his heart is strong.
A man whoís searched the world as the day grows long
And hasnít FOUND A SOUL to answer back his song!

I will SHOW YOU great cuisine left to rot!
I will SHOW YOU the one thing that he has not!
The only SOUL ON HIS SIDE this warriorís got
Is his own loneliness twisted into knots!

God give me someone to try for!
Somebody to laugh and to cry for!
Someone to place my life on the line for!
God give me someone To Die For!

This is not the way man was meant to live!
God gave us strengths to create great blessings to give
To others who may not have talent in that place!
Who then will benefit? Will it just go to waste?

A man might go to woman after woman fair
And compliment her on her beauty and her flair
But if no woman for this man can be found there
His talents go to WASTE his soul becomes despair!

This is not the way that I would like to become!
Lord God, I wish to find someone on my way up!
So many women I see around me content
With total drudgery! With their shoulders bent!

God please send me a woman who is discerned!
A woman who among Your teachings is quite learned!
A woman raised to recognize and understand
What great blessings Godly men should receive by Your hand!

God give me someone to try for!
Somebody to laugh and to cry for!
Someone to place my life on the line for!
God give me someone To Die For!

I do my best always to walk with you!
No matter what disasters you may lead my through!
I detest the thought of lacking courage to
Complete Your lessons the way that You want me to!

But what will I win if I gain the whole world
And fall down into sin over some faithless girl!
Or even worse, if I have no one to share it with!
Iíll look like such a miser of Your righteous gifts!

And then those average men will gather around me
And spit upon my name, with no patience to see
That I do not keep all of these gifts for myself!
And they will try to strip me of my worldly wealth!

How many treasures ever does one man need?
What motivation has this warrior to proceed?
If Iím to go out into the world and succeed
Will you provide someone to share the fruits with me?

God give me someone to try for!
Somebody to laugh and to cry for!
Someone to place my LIFE ON THE LINE FOR!
God give me SOMEONE TO DIE FOR!
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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REMEMBER, this is a Critique Circle. Please try to give a critique to receive a critique. If you do not want to give any critiques, you can use the REGULAR ARTICLE SUBMISSION area. If you are unsure about how to critique, please use the CRITIQUE GUIDELINES and CRITIQUE TIPS.

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