TITLE: If Only My Mom or Someone Had Told Me? # 17 (c)
By gene hudgens
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Teen years are so precious and they speed away so quickly. We must treasure these precious years and grow to the limits of our ability. Remember that our best friend is Jesus and we need to talk with Him frequently each day and ask His advice on every issue of our daily life, so we do gain the most from our youth.
We all want to enjoy the dating experience and all of us will date. The big problem is that some of us will make unnecessary mistakes that can cause unnecessary problems and headaches. Always consider what will make God happy. God wants us all to be happy. He definitely wants us to date Christians.
The way we act in private and in public is important to us personally and it is important to God. We are being watched by Him and by others all of the time. There is nothing wrong in not acting as our friends do if their actions are immature and wrong. Smoking, drinking, cursing, dressing inappropriately, being disrespectful to a waitress, and loud disruptive talking in a movie are signs of immaturity. We need not act this way or waste time associating with people that do. However, this takes maturity on our part.
Every teen, especially girls, need to practice physical safety. Until we know and trust a new date, it’s better to only go out in groups. When we meet a person that we feel we want to date, it’s wise to spend a few meetings where other friends are present, such as picnics, social functions or dances.
This is the time to ask questions and learn as much about each other as possible.. According to a Journal of the American Medical Association, “almost 1 in 5 female high-school students said they had experienced physical and/or sexual violence in a dating relationship. Be wise enough to always carry enough money at all time to get a taxi home if we feel unsafe. Avoid a possible dating trap.
When alone with our dating partner there is no reason to allow our actions like kissing and petting to get out of hand. Sex need not be a part of any dating relationship and we should avoid putting our self in a position or situation that leads to sex. It is important that each boy and girl clearly understands how far they want and will allow their kissing and petting to go…and to insure that it goes no further. When we allow petting to go too far we allow our self control to slowly fade away to passion, lust, desire and enjoyment…and then we often cause our self problems.
There is no question that ideally sexual intercourse should be reserved for marriage. Therefore we must avoid putting our self in a position that will lead to sexual intercourse before marriage. Serious open communications is important before the first date. This is the time for each boy and each girl to clarify their desires, expectations, and the rules they will follow pertaining to sex.
Sexual intercourse is ignorant sex for teens. Its too dangerous, because of the risk of pregnancy and STDs…even AIDS from unprotected sex. This does not mean that you will not have sexual desires and strong urges to satisfy these desires. Masturbation is the logical alternative to sexual intercourse. It is clean and 100% safe sex. Masturbation is abstinence from sexual intercourse while allowing any person the satisfaction of climaxing…and it is not condemned in the Bible.
Even after explaining the ideal situation for sex and the dangers of having sex, some teens will not be discouraged from having sexual intercourse. Therefore, it is necessary to emphasize the following: If you must indulge in sexual intercourse at lease have the common sense to insure that you practice safe sex to the fullest extent possible. Insure you have condoms with you and that you both insure that the condom is properly used. Condoms offer 95% safe sex in avoiding most STDs, but only abstinence and masturbation offers 100% safety. It is wise for the girl to use her birth control to prevent pregnancy, but this alone does not provide safe sex to avoid sexual diseases. Clearly understand that anal and oral sex is sex and that this is definitely unsafe sex.
When we feel a friendship relationship is becoming more than just a friendship and is developing into love, we will be wise to quickly educate our self concerning many new responsibilities.
Its time to get good professional advice and learn about the dangers signs to look for in a serious relationship. Talk with parents, friends or a church or school counselor. There is a tremendous amount of advice available, so don’t be stubborn and ignore the available advice.
We must exercise enough self pride to never even consider looking for a relationship-mate because we are lonely or feeling empty. This is a definite sign of poor self-esteem.
This is the time when you must talk more with Jesus, because He is the only one that can help. A relationship is definitely not the answer to problems.
Set strong expectations and demands for any relationship. Never entertain hidden agendas. Too much age difference is not wise. Never for one minute even consider a mate who is presently married. Never court more than one person at one time. Looking for a mate to be a substitute for a parent is unwise. Any addiction of any type is a No No until the problem is completely solved. If either person comes from an environment of any type of abuse (alcohol or physical etc), be wise and seek professional guidance before attempting a relationship.
We must be honest and strict with our self and demand the same from a partner. We must never be blinded by desire or lust. We must never consider a relationship if we entertain any agenda other than pure respect and love for the other, such as fear of getting older, loneliness, envy of friends that are getting married, sexual desires, or pressure of any type. The best sign of love is when we are more concerned about our partner than about our self.
If either party suffers from anger problems then both parties need professional help before considering a relationship, other wise the problems will hide like a hungry tiger and attach you later.
If either party has suffered from past broken relationships, comes from a home that suffered alcoholism, child or other abuse, divorce, etc, its very important to address and settle these issues or its unlikely that a successful relationship will ever grow. Never allow pride to distract you from seeking professional counseling.
If we have confidence in "self" we do not need to waste time on a person who is not a Christian, or jump into any relationship just because we are in the mist of a breakup, suffer self pity, guilt, or social pressure. We should avoid people that are arrogant, patronizing, full of pride, judgmental, show any type of abuse, and always want to be in control. Express Christian values and avoid persons that show disrespect for others, refuse to listen, exhibit irresponsibility for handling money, are selfish, are not hygienic, are a constant show-off-off, or are rude and impolite.
We must sincerely believe that we can never change people (anyone)…not even after years of marriage. It never works. Only the person can change his or her self. Now is the time to carefully consider the gamble of a relationship with a person that comes from a different economic or social back ground…or a person that is not a sincere Christian.
After spending all this time on obtaining and retaining a relationship I want to expand a bit more. None of us are perfect and we will likely find a relationship that is not working out. Its natural to want to give a person a second chance. This is when we must believe that “SELF” is more important than the other person. Make it utterly clear that there will be ONLY ONE second chance. Never back down because of crying or begging for a third chance. With few exceptions, any person that needs even a one-time second chance is not worthy of this first second chance.
If this person in unable or unwilling to meet our expressed goals and expectations after one second chance…GET OUT IN A HURRY. Don’t walk…run. Run so fast that an observer will think you’re underwear is on fire. Never look back and for goodness sake never go back.
While young and in school concentrate on many friends and enjoy groups. Study and learn as much in school as you can. Graduate. Develop confidence and self-esteem. Prepare for the future. Thank God for your health and blessing…and enjoy your precocious life to the fullest.
Dreams, hope, and ideas are needed and when combinded with common sense and hard work, success can be expected.
Life is too precious and short two waste time on any person that is not meeting our goals and needs. GO FISHING.
© Gene Hudgens
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