TITLE: If Only My Mom or Someone Had Told Me? # 16 (c)
By gene hudgens
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This is Part One of two parts. (General advice on relationships). From the day we’re born we begin to grow, change, think, want and mature. Moms and dads brag that their babies are growing like weeds and feel pride that their baby is the cutest baby in town…and so quick to learn. **“From the day we’re able to reason until the day we die we are responsible for all of our own actions.” **“From the day we’re born until we ride the hearse, nothing is so bad it can’t get worse.” ©
Concerned parents and civilized societies try hard to properly and adequately educate and advice young people how to accept responsibility and live a safe enjoyable life. However, each of us must realize early that ‘the ball is in our ball-park’ and that we (only we) can decide weather to only look at the ball or to take it and run with it.
From the beginning of recorded history philosophies have attempted to offer advice on growing up, developing desires, controlling desires, planning for a happy and healthy life, accepting responsibility, respecting parents, praying to God for advice, and maturing into good citizens. Since life on earth is basically civilized the philosophers have basically succeeded.
However, far too many young people still have far too many problems in their teen years. The root of the problems might be that parents never learned, never knew, still don’t know, and don’t know how to effectively advise their children. On the other hand it might well be that parents tried, but their students refused to listen and learn.
I want so much for every child ten years old and older to be exposed to what I’m trying to convey. If you have already experienced problems, then any advice is ’after-the-fact’…and useless. However, you can start this moment to listen and learn and avoid future problems.
From this minute on… the very most important objective is to develop a close trusting relationship with Jesus Christ. Take time every day to talk with Him and sincerely ask Him for advice many times each day on every single issue in our daily life. Talk with Jesus all through the day just as we do with other friends. If we will talk with Jesus over every decision we will make…before we make a decision, we will have a happier and healthier life.
Every normal boy and girl wants friends of the same sex and also of the opposite sex. We all want to date and enjoy the companionship of close friends. If we are wise we will insure that we establish Biblical principles in all of our relationships; this includes best friends, dating, courting, and marriage.
In addition to seeking advice from Christ, there are principles each of us must follow. We must realize that what we see on TV and from glamour magazines is often an illusion and not an honest realistic comparison to ‘real life’. This is definitely not what you and I want and need to develop and live the best possible life. In real life we can not afford to play ‘games‘, make big mistakes, or waste valuable time with any one in any relationship.
Never forget that a Christian relationship is built on and with honesty…and good communications.
We must first be honest with our self and then demand honesty from the other person in any and all relationships. This can only be achieved by open and honest two-way communication. Everyone will experience times of disagreements in any relationship, so we must talk and listen. Listening is more important and it solves most problems. Without honesty we will always have a false relationship.
We must be extremely hard on our self. Remember that as a teen “self” is far more important than anything else. Avoid heartaches by being selective, even if it means avoiding the handsome ball player or beautiful cheer leader…if ‘attraction’ is our main motive…or if we have a gut feeling that he or she is not completely honest. Beauty with out character is a waste. Avoid any person that does not share our same theology and faith. Don’t stubbornly ask for problems.
I’ll again use one of my favorite sayings: “There are plenty of “fish” in the sea. If you feel uncertain about a person (in or out of a serious relationship)…go fishing!” Learn early to be stern, hard, and very selective with all friends. Never worry about not finding another friend, because there are plenty of worthwhile people that are also looking for worthwhile friends. Have confidence and do the selecting; avoid being a meek person that always waits to be selected.
When we do meet a person that we feel will be an honest friend, we need to immediately learn a lot about this person. Learning is a two-way exchange. We need to understand the other person’s personality and character traits, ambitions, likes and dislikes, moods, expectations, and beliefs. We must insure that the other person understands the same about us. Feel certain that we know enough about the other person to feel comfortable that a harmonious friendship is possible before thinking of a commitment.
Anytime a friendship develops into a serious relationship its wise that both persons go together to a pastoral counselor. The counselor may suggest that you engage in a personality test or inventory. If the test results indicate that possible future conflicts may develop, then it wise that both parties join in counseling sessions now before possible problems appear in the future.
Its very important that both parties understand the other person’s personality traits very early in a relationship. Low self esteem, depression and psychological problems need to be addressed and well understood by both parties.
Feeling and enjoying self-esteem and personal worth is a necessity for every person in order to live a full, healthy, enjoyable life…alone or in companionship. We must not waste a single minute with self-pity, which can lead to depression. Stay active and avoid loneliness, isolation, and boredom. Don’t allow the “disease” of inadequacy and inferiority to ruin our life. Work to attain and maintain self-respect. As a young person study hard and try hard to learn about “everything” around us. We must stay so busy learning that we never feel dumb and stupid.
Many years ago I read and copied a poem written by someone:
Life can’t give me joy and peace;
It’s up to me to will it.
Life just gives me time and space;
It’s up to me to fill it.
God did His share and granted each of us dignity and status. It is now our responsibility to make Him proud of his Creation. Depression is usually a matter of perspective. We must try to develop the best possible perspective and determine in our mind to accept reality exactly as it is. We must not waste teen and adult years questing for that which was unreachable in childhood. We must not allow fatigue and time pressure of our daily life to cause depression.
We must learn to measure our wealth by the things no one can buy at any price. The greatest wealth any of us can have is our belief in Jesus love of family, our honesty and integrity...and our confidence in "self".
Wake up each day with a determination to be confident in “self”, to be extremely strict with “self”, to exercise the determination that “self” will have a happy life…and most importantly; ask Jesus many times each day to advise us…and we will be successful.
© Gene Hudgens
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