TITLE: If Only My Mom or Someone Had Told Me? #7 (c)
By gene hudgens
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A good dating relationship is love. People normally don’t change. What you see is what you have! If any relationship doesn’t work from the start…don’t hang-on…don’t waste your time…get out…go fishing!
The following is so important I want to repeat it. In any friendship or relationship it is so very important to communicate. From day one establish your desires and limitation and understand your partner’s desires. Show respect and always insured your partner respects your demands. Clearly define what you will do and will not do.
Demand that your partner always respect your right to say no to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Insure that you are never pressured into making an on-the-spot decision.
A good relationship doesn’t tolerate:
* Gambling addiction
* Abusive temper
* Physical violence
* Verbal abuse
* A criminal
* A controlling partner
* Overly jealous partner
* Cold uncommunicative partner
* A partner who has trouble holding a job
* An addicted alcoholic
* Mom’s baby
* (you add to the list)
By the time you are teen and dating you have observed many people in many situations. Perhaps even in your own home or a friend’s home you’ve observed some of the above traits. You’ve likely observed how it adversely effects the quality of life of everyone that is directly or indirectly involved with these poor-character individuals.
You’ve likely observed (perhaps experienced) mental or physical abuse in your own home or a friend’s home. Yov’ve felt the saddness or anguish others feel. Its awful to wait at home and fear that your mate will arrive drunk or on drugs. Its awful to fear abuse. Its awful to do without because a bum-mate wastes all the money on gambling or can not hold a job.
All of us have some degree of compassion for those that suffer and for those that cause problem, especially if it is our own homes. But as young people we must accept apples as apples and oranges as oranges. We are never required to repeat problems others indure and, if we are wise, refuse to put ourselves into situations that might entrap us.
In other words, we must decide as a young teen to make our future a happy, easier, and safer future. We can only assure this by being extremely hard on ourselves. This requires demanding that those we associate with meet our goals and fit into our future plans. Yes, it means being selfish…and thinking of "self"...for our own good.
Old saying become old saying because they are good saying or advice. “Birds of a feather flock together” is a great example. Smokers are comfortable with other that smoke. Drinkers are comfortable with other that booze. Gamblers don’t just play church bingo.
Its easy to get into a group that your friends enjoy and begin to feel that this is the only type group that exists or will make you happy. This just isn’t true, but you will not know if you don’t exercise being an individual and atlease try other groups. You will be pleasantly surprised to find that there is no shortage of friends and mates “out there” that meet all of your expections and desires.
Please don’t sell yourself short now…as a young teen, and later regret that you were not hard and strict with yourself and others. Life is just too short to waste any time on useless people and loosers. There are more worthwhile people than there are loosers. Be hard on yourself and keep looking for what makes you feel good and safe.
Force yourself to visit different restaurants and discos. Meet different people in different environments. Date many different people. Be real brave and chance attending a church social.
If you decide to give your partner a second chance…set a time limit and stick to it. Stand up to a controlling or useless partner from the beginning. To just give, give, and give is no guarantee of getting anything in return. It's true, change requires pain…but the longer you wait the more pain you’ll feel.
Wise people dissolve bad relationlships, regardless of how much it hurts at the moment. They have likely learned from experience that bad relationships only get worse.
This advice also applies to relationships with our friends…that we don’t date.
© Gene Hudgens
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