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THE CRITIQUE CIRCLE

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TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST





TITLE: Altar
By Mei Lee
07/30/07
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About a month ago the Holy Spirit woke me up at 4am and I wrote this. I went back to sleep right after and have totally no recollection of what I had written...until I stumbled upon this poem recently in my journal, and was surprised at my own writing. It's very not "me", unlike my usual style of writing, but I am moved by the intensity of feelings recorded then, and thought I will share it here. Personally I think it is too long, but am not sure of how (or where) to cut it short. Any comments to make it more reader-friendly, and suggestions of title welcome. Thanks & God bless.
Help me, O Lord,
to hear You,
and obey You.

Search my heart,
and tell me why,
even when I hear You,
I don't obey You,
though I really wanted to.

Is it because
our human nature
is one constant enemy of Yours,
forever fighting against Your voice?

Or is it just me,
and my hopeless stubbornness,
that crowds out Your command,
and take me further away from You?

I know, O Lord,
stubbornness is sin in Your eyes.
For I have forgotten,
who is in charge of my life.
I have committed all
into Your mighty hands.
But why do I even attempt
to take back what
I have given You?

Lord I do not want to be
like Israel,
committing the sin of idolatry
again and again.
Until You finally wipe them
from Your holy presence,
and handed them over
to their enemies.

But Lord I am aware, painfully aware,
everytime I let the voice of
my pride become louder than
Your gentle whisper in my heart,
I am no different from Israel.

Though I do not bow down
to another god.
Though I do not worship
anyone else but You.

I ask myself:
When my voice gets too loud
and crowds out my Lord's voice;
When I hear His voice,
but use my human understanding
to make decisions instead,
am I still worshipping Him
or myself?

It doesn't take any carved idols
to draw me away from the One
I am meant to follow.
That pagan shrine in my heart,
that altar where my pride resides,
is more evil in the eyes of God
than anything else on earth.

I am determined, O Lord,
to break every shrine and altar
of my presence and my pride.
I want nothing to do with this
humanly shrine of mine,
no matter how innocent it may seem.

I want only an altar
where Your presence may abide,
where Your name is made great,
Your glory seen in all the earth.
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