TITLE: My Happy Place
By Teresa Collins
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I thought back to the moment that I held the pill bottle in my hand, before I knew it I had convinced myself to swallow all of them. I laid down on the couch to go to sleep.
How did my young life get so complicated?
My mind took me back to a time when I would kick off my shoes, lay flat in the grass and watch the clouds go by.
Happy carefree magical moments, my happy place.
I don’t remember exactly when it started but I started to worry about what others thought. I started dealing with influences and peer pressure.
I felt the blow of rejection along with my own poor judgment which caused situations that were painful.
Weighed down I didn’t see any escape or relief.
The pain seemed to be unbearable at times.
I knew that there was no pain or tears in heaven and I just wanted to go there.
I went to the doctor for help, he gave me pills to take the edge off and help me sleep. I just kept sinking deeper in my despair I didn’t see anyway out.
Have you ever hurt so bad emotionally that it caused physical pain?
I snapped out of my daze and looked around the room for a moment. I felt fortunate that someone found me but I still dreaded the loneliness of my world.
I thought about the scripture in Matthew 18 verses 1 - 4
when the disciples asked Jesus, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
It started to make sense as I connected with that little girl still inside of me.
Did you ever get the feeling that the light had come on and you could see something so clearly?
I knew from that moment on that I wasn’t going to give up anymore, i was going to fight. The next time I felt the burdens of this life closing in on me I would put on a smile, head for my happy place, kick off my shoes, lay flat in the grass and watch the clouds go by.
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