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TRUST JESUS TODAY
Hello... It's been a long time since I've posted anything here... need a little community, a little encouragment to 'take up the pen' again, I guess. Anyone out there???
Some days I feel like a fraud
that if you could see the inside of me
the thoughts that iím capable of having
that you would be shocked
iíve always had tendancies to be negative
but this is different
what iím talking about is intentionally looking
one way on the outside
while on the inside i sit and wring my hands with glee
when i obtain the reaction, the gratification
that i wanted, but pretended, I wasnít interested in
with a humble hanging of my head
a dropping of the eyes
a muttered word of unworthy to receive, but please continue
to praise me
the depravity of what i am
the depth of it
ingrained in me
my words affirm my outer facade of pure intentions
my thoughts convict me of my sin
Jesus spoke of thoughts with strong words
he said if you even think about doing these things
you are guilty of doing them
so iíve thought them
i continue to think them
i pray for forgiveness
knowing iíll probably think it again
believing i wonít at that particular moment
yet a few minutes later, falling into that trap
Take every thought captive
to the obediance of Christ
yes, take those ugly, twisted, sinful things
bind them up in Jesus name
and cast them out
replace them with truth
the truth will set me free
i shall be free indeed
thats that solution
thats the action plan
thatís what needs to be done
i donít always do it though
i act like a braindead
lost sinful soul
that doesnít know any better
i bathe in it
i soak in it
i launguish away the minutes of
processing the possibilities for reaction
the choices that are mine
you see none of this in me
you see with rose coloured glasses
you speak kindness and grace to me
you think the best of me
you give me chances
you wipe the slate clean
you see me through the blood
of the Lamb
slain for my transgressions
and my thoughts
before the foundation of the world
so i can stand blameless
before the throne of grace
because my face
and my heart are one to you
the inside as visible as the outside
if only i could see myself through your eyes
i look for signs of positive change
i weigh up the good with the bad in me
i come away wanting
i come away feeling less than enough
if only for today, if i take these thoughts to you
would you set me free
would i feel free of self hatred
i drag myself to the foot of the cross...
please Jesus, help me?
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