Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
THE CRITIQUE CIRCLE

BACK TO
CRITIQUE CIRCLE

INSTRUCTIONS
COMPLETE
INSTRUCTIONS HERE

CRITIQUE GUIDELINES

CRITIQUE TIPS

HELP TOUR

It's easy to critique the works of others and get your work critiqued. Just follow the steps below:

1) Post your first piece.

2) You must then critique the work of another member to post another piece yourself.

3) For each critique you give, you earn 1 credit that can be used to post another one of your writings.

4) You can build up credits to be used at another time by giving critiques to others.
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST





TITLE: Sisterella
By C.E. Johnson
04/28/07
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND

Recheck for typos, and if anything needs clarification or more detail. Other comments and crits are welcome.
Oh, and don't send me messages, cuz I don't have the money to pay to be able to see what it says. So you can just put it in the critique, just use dashed lines or something to seperate it.
Scene 1:
(In a small living room with some chairs and a stool. BETIA and ADDA enter from stage left.)

BETIA
Can you believe it? The prince-here-in our little town. And searching for true love, none the less. Isn’t it romantic?

ADDA
(Sounding a little bitter)
It would be more romantic if it would happen to one of us. He is only looking for person, and we both know that we aren’t her.

BETIA
(Sadly)
Yes, it is a shame.
(Becoming slightly happier for the one girl)
How wonderful it must be to be that girl. To know a prince is out there searching for you.
True love, Adda! True love!

ADDA
True love, my foot! He danced with her for one night. There’s no love in that. I doubt it if he even really knows anything about her, least care for her. Under that pretty mask he saw a pretty face wearing a pretty gown with those pretty shoes, and thought she must be pretty rich.

BETIA
Adda, you’re being redundant.

ADDA
It’s not redundancy; it’s cadence. And anyway, it’s all true.

BETIA
But why would the prince go to all that trouble for outward appearances? It doesn’t make any sense.

ADDA
Who knows? Guys act weird when they see a comely girl, add money to the equation, and only one thing can be expected: the unexpected.

BETIA
The unexpected?

ADDA
(Nodding)
The unexpected. Knowing to expect what one cannot, makes one prepared.
BETIA
(Dismayed)
Now, you’re confusing me.

ADDA
It matters not. What does matter is that I have these.
(Takes out two bottles of liquid.)
I bought these from the town’s alchemist. They will turn our hair to any color we choose.

BETIA
What good will that do us?

ADDA
The prince is going to reach our neighborhood today. He is going to ask us to try on the shoe, and if it fits one of us, well, we have to look the part.

BETIA
You mean look as similar as we can to the girl he danced with?

ADDA
Exactly. We don’t know what her fair looked like, but we do know she was blond.

BETIA
(Dismayed and a bit alarmed.)
But that’s dishonesty!

ADDA
(Shrugs)
That’s life.
(Turns toward her sister, and cocks her head.)
Was it fair that she hogged him all for herself at the dance?


BETIA
No, she didn’t give anyone else a chance-

ADDA
Exactly.

BETIA
But he did find someone he loved through it!

ADDA
(In a reminding tone while tapping her face with her finger.)
Pretty face!

(From offstage there is a sound of hooves and horses neighing. BETIA rushes over and looks out the window.)

BETIA
(Surprised)
I think I see the carriage pulling up!

ADDA
That must be the prince! Quickly! We must put on the dye before he comes in!
(Takes BETIA by the shoulders, and gently forces her to leave stage left. ADDA exits stage left. A knock is heard off stage.)

ADDA
(From off stage)
Oh, we must hurry.
(Speaks louder for the people outside.)
We’re coming!
(Another knock, this time louder)
We’re coming!
(A very loud knock. A blond ADDA runs from to stage right.)
We’re coming!

(ATTENDENT enters)



ATTENDENT
(Rubs a finger in his ear)
No need to yell, Ma’am.
ADDA
(Nervously chuckles)
Sorry about that. Oh…who are you?

ATTENDENT
I am the prince’s attendant.

ADDA
Oh… Isn’t the prince coming in?


ATTENDENT
No, he has…
(Dramatic pause)

Dandruff.

ADDA
(Surprised that a prince would have dandruff.)
Dandruff?

ATTENDENT
Yes. He is mortified and will not come out of his carriage.

ADDA
(Confused)
But my mother told me that he was out in the town square today.

ATTENDENT
Yes, that was before the dandruff incident. While he was looking for the girl in the market, some hog slosh spilled onto his head. He panicked and bought the closest shampoo available. Unfortunately, it was not well made, and it caused him to flake. Now while he yearns to be with his true love, he cannot bear to come out of the carriage.

(ADDA sits down on a chair.)

ADDA
Oh my.


ATTENDENT
Well, why you are sitting, I might as well see if the shoe fits you. Lift up your foot.
(He tries to put in on, but it does not fit.)

ADDA
Push harder!

ATTENDENT
I am, and its all to no avail. Is there no one else in your abode to try on this slipper?

ADDA
There’s my sister. Wait here, and I will get her.

(Exists stage left, and pulls her blond sister from offstage. ADDA brings BETIA to the chair, BETIA
shakes her head and tries to back away. The ATTENDENT looks from BETIA to ADDA questioningly. ADDA laughs nervously, and smiles.)
It’s just nerves.
(Gently shoves her sister down on the chair.)

ATTENDENT
Alright, let’s try it again.

(Puts the shoe to BETIA’s foot, and slips it on. ADDA gasps while BETIA just stares at the shoe.)

ADDA
(In a surprised and quite way)
A perfect fit!
(Exclaims louder)
A perfect fit!

BETIA
(Quietly to herself, in disbelief and in surprise)
It fits?



ATTENDENT
(Aside)
About time. I thought we would never find the right fit...
(Outloud)
Wait here I will get the prince! He’s been searching for you for two days! Now, stay here while I go get him.

(ATTENDENT exits.)

ADDA
(She is thrilled for her sister.)
You did it! You snagged the prince!

BETIA
(Worriedly)
But it’s not my slipper!

ADDA
Don’t worry about it, and whatever you do, don’t tell the prince that it’s not yours.

BETIA
But…

ADDA
But nothing! You’re in the high life now. You’re gonna be living in a castle, and have everything you ever wanted. We always dreamed of this happening to us since we were kids, why we even pretended about it. And you are not going to throw it away for something like morals! In this time and age, there’s only one way to live, and that’s for yourself!

(Horses neigh and a thud is heard off stage. ATTENDENT rushes in.)

ATTENDENT
It’s the prince! He’s fallen and can’t get up!

BETIA
Oh no!







ADDA
Not the prince!
(ADDA, BETIA, and ATTENDENT rush off stage right. A few minutes later BETIA and ADDA walk in. ADDA and BETIA enter stage right.)

ADDA
(Sighs disgustedly and shakes her head)
That was the prince? Why, I’ve seen drunks with better coordination.

BETIA
I’m just glad he was ok. I was afraid he might have really hurt himself.

ADDA
A prince that has dandruff is one thing, but one that is a klutz too…I feel sorry for you.

BETIA
(Hopefully)
Maybe he just needs glasses.

ADDA
Perfect! Why not add braces and zits while we are at it! Oh well, at least he has social status and is rich.

(Enter ATTENDANT from stage right.)
ATTENDANT
Ms. Adda your mother is requesting your presence.

ADDA
Alright.
(ADDA exits stage right.)

ATTENDANT
Well, Ms. Betia, once the prince is patched we will be leaving for the castle. Do you need any help gathering your things?


BETIA
Oh, please, just call me, Betia.

ATTENDANT
I could not do such a thing. Why you will be royalty and royalty must be addressed according to the rules... You look distressed is anything bothering you?

BETIA
Oh…Is the prince always so...

ATTENDANT
Clumsy? Yes. We are secretly making him a padded wardrobe so that he won’t hurt himself. But don’t worry, there’s enough money and things at the palace that will make you forget about his awkwardness.

BETIA
Oh… About the prince, what is he like?

ATTENDANT
Oh, he is very kind and generous, just clumsy. You know he searched everywhere for you. He was determined to find you.

BETIA
But why?

ATTENDANT
Well, even though you had only known each other for one night, the prince was so thrilled to meet someone who was not ashamed of his lack of coordination. Even though he stepped on your feet several times, you never raised your voice or got angry at him. He talked so much about how the two of you talked so, that it disappointed him greatly when you left so suddenly at midnight. I must go to check on the prince. I will be back shortly.
(ATTENDANT is about to leave when ADDA enters, he lets her pass first then exits stage right.)

ADDA
Well, even though he’s clumsy he is cute. So you do have something going for you beside his money.
(Looks at BETIA)
What’s wrong? You look like you’re about to cry.

BETIA
(Very upset)
Oh, Adda! They knew each other.


ADDA
Who?

BETIA
The prince and the girl he danced with. They talked and everything and he did like her. He did! She was the only one who accepted him as he was!

ADDA
This does complicate things. One wrong word and they will know that you are not her. Hmm… I know, I’ll go and ask what they talked about and then tell you. You’ll be covered that way.

BETIA
But…

ADDA
Now, you don’t you be getting those morals again. I’ll fix this whole thing up, don’t you worry.
(ADDA exits stage right.)

BETIA
Oh my...
(ATTENDANT enters)
Oh my...

ATTENDANT
What is the matter. You look even more distressed than when I left you last.

BETIA
Oh my...

ATTENDANT
I think I should take you to the palace right away. It seems like this whole thing has you overwhelmed.
(ATTENDANT takes her by the hand and is about to lead her out.)

BETIA
No! That is...I can’t go!

ATTENDANT
Why?

BETIA
The shoe isn’t mine!

ATTENDANT
But it fit…

BETIA
I know, but it isn’t mine! If I went with you and married him, I would be ruining the lives of the prince, the real girl, and myself-since I would know the truth and it would eat away at me, leaving nothing but misery in its wake! Oh, you must think I am awful!


ATTENDANT
(Smiles)
Not at all. You let the truth be known before it was too late. And now I must do the same.

BETIA
What do you mean?

ATTENDANT
I must too tell the truth. You see, I lied when I told you the prince loved the girl. They had only met that once. The reason why he searched for her was to get to know her better.

BETIA
(Confused)
But why did you lie if that was just the case?

ATTENDANT
Well, I wanted to see if you would come clean in the end, and the only way I thought that would happen is if I told you that they loved each other.

BETIA
But how did you know how to do that? I mean…how did you find out, and for how long have you known?

ATTENDANT
I found out after I told you about the prince’s fall. Remember how your mom and your servant helped me get the prince to the guest room? Well, your mom quickly left to get something for him, and your servant stayed behind. She told me that she was the one that danced with the prince.

BETIA
(Surprised)
Cinderella…?

ATTENDANT
Yes, I believe that was the name she gave me. I asked her for proof and she produced another slipper that looked exactly like the one I was carrying. I knew there was no other pair in this kingdom like it for on inside of the shoe on its left side it says: Made in Fairyzona. The slipper I have says the same thing.


BETIA
Oh, my you must think that I am horrible. And the prince…oh he was there…oh my…what he must think of me...

ATTENDANT
Ah, yes, about the prince…

BETIA
(Pained by what she thinks the prince thinks of her.)
Oh, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know what he said!

ATTENDANT
Do not be dismayed. Cinderella told us that you were really kind at heart. She claimed that you had helped her many times in the past, and had secretly helped her with her chores. She told us the only reason why you did not tell us before was probably due to your mother or sisters influence.

BETIA
(Feeling guilty about the lies, and for telling on her sister.)
Yes…it’s true…My sister told me the prince wouldn’t care who the shoe would fit as long as the girl was pretty.
(ATTENDANT coughs, and looks a bit upset. BETIA’s tone turns to a plead)
Oh I know what she did was wrong, but please do not hate her for it. I couldn’t stand to have someone I love to be disdained by you or the prince. Oh, I am glad she is in the other side of the house with…oh no! She’s with the prince! And he knows! Oh…

ATTENDANT
Not to worry, not to worry. The prince will forgive her.

BETIA
Oh…she didn’t even care about either the prince or the girl when she thought they loved each other. How could the prince forgive her for that?

ATTENDANT
(Kindly reassures her.)
Don’t worry. The prince will forgive her.

BETIA
But how do you know?

ATTENDANT
(Nervously.)
Well you see…
(Takes off his servants cloak and reveals a princely uniform)
I am the prince.
BETIA
(Mouth agape, totally shocked.)
You…the prince?

ATTENDANT
(Nods)
Yes, and I would like to get to know you more-

BETIA
What about Cinderella?

ATTENDANT
(A bit sad)
Alas, when I asked her if I could see her more, she said she went to the ball just to have some fun, and that she is already in love with the town’s baker. But then she told me to give you another chance, and so I did…And here I found out that you care about the prince-er me- without even knowing who I am.
(BETIA blushes)
So…
(ATTENDNAT acts nervously. Looking slightly away from her as he places his hand behind his neck.)
Would you like to go out with me? I hear there’s a concert in Bremen Town at six.

BETIA
I would like that.

ATTENDANT
(Thrilled, slightly bounces up and down.)
It’s a date then.


(Blackout)
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
YOUR CREDITS

LOGIN HERE




REMINDER:

REMEMBER, this is a Critique Circle. Please try to give a critique to receive a critique. If you do not want to give any critiques, you can use the REGULAR ARTICLE SUBMISSION area. If you are unsure about how to critique, please use the CRITIQUE GUIDELINES and CRITIQUE TIPS.

VIEWING CRITIQUES:

To view your critiques that you receive on any writing, login to your account and click "CRITIQUE CIRCLE MANAGEMENT" to view all of your critiques and edit each piece. Then, click "VIEW CRITIQUES" next to the article title to view critiques on that piece. Comments on all of your writings when using the Critique Circle will not be displayed publicly as regular and writing challenge articles. They can only be viewed by accessing them from your account.