Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
THE CRITIQUE CIRCLE

BACK TO
CRITIQUE CIRCLE

INSTRUCTIONS
COMPLETE
INSTRUCTIONS HERE

CRITIQUE GUIDELINES

CRITIQUE TIPS

HELP TOUR

It's easy to critique the works of others and get your work critiqued. Just follow the steps below:

1) Post your first piece.

2) You must then critique the work of another member to post another piece yourself.

3) For each critique you give, you earn 1 credit that can be used to post another one of your writings.

4) You can build up credits to be used at another time by giving critiques to others.
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST





TITLE: Is this too preachy-part of the legendary hero
By C.E. Johnson
04/02/07
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND

I want to get the point across but have it not be to a point where people stop reading or lose interest.
There was silence for a few minutes before Beth spoke.
“Terril?” she asked, wanting to change the subject. “Are there any magic users here- like wizards and magicians?”
“Yes,” replied Terril. “There are…”
“Are you one?” she interrupted.
“I most certainly am not!” said Terril, sounding offended. “I am a comzair. Though you may see us do things that seem to be magic spells, they are not. It happens to be a side effect of the atmosphere of this planet as well as the native minerals. It has strange side effects on us humans.”
“You’re human?!” my friends and I exclaimed in shocked.
“Yes,” he said, sounding surprised at our revelation. “Did I not mention that we came from Earth like you?”
“No, you didn’t!” exclaimed Beth. “How did that happen?”
“I shall tell you after I finish telling about the difference between magic users and comzairs least- I forget to tell you. As I was saying, the different elements on this planet have a strange effect on us- we call this affect lorai. Each human gets different lorai from the elements. The one’s that have a combination of elemental attacks and healing attributes are called comzairs.”
“Will we have some side effects like the others have here?” asked Beth.
“Yes, if you stay here long enough,” replied Terril. “The first signs of the affects are so minuscule that you won’t notice it. But the longer you stay here, the more powerful the affects become. It usually takes a while to actually see what kind of lorai manifests in people. We classify each by the abilities the lorai give us,” replied Terril. “The types of lorai that we know of are Elemental, Healing, Strength, Mixture, and Transformation. There are probably more that we don’t know about.”
“What’s the Mixture Lorai?” asked Beth.
“It’s a mixture of the different types of lorai. For instance, I am a mixture of Elemental and Healing. Of course, people who have the Mixture lorai have advantages and disadvantages. The advantage is having more than one type of lorai ability. The disadvantages of having more than one are that neither of the types can be fully developed because our life spans are so short.”
“Now as I was saying before the lorai,” Terril said. “There are magic users here-even though magic is forbidden.”
“Why is it forbidden?” asked Beth.
“Don’t you know?” Terril asked surprised. “The Holy Bible warns us about it and says it comes from the devil himself. That is why Scripture emphatically warns us to stay away from it. We have had heard citizens describe horrible things that occur when people dabble in the dark arts. It seems that the magic seeps into the user and infects the poor soul causing him or her to have a feeling of continuing dread. Some start seeing demons, while others even become possessed by demons. Such people magically lash out at others near to them.”
“I’m surprised people don’t stop using magic just from seeing that,” said Beth.
“It seems that they think that by us putting up laws forbidding it, that they think we are trying to deprive them of something great and wonderful. So they keep on using magic, thinking that those who have had negative affects from using magic are isolated cases. They think that they will not become a statistic. ”
“Another reason,” Terrill went on, “is those people who use it begin to loose trust in anyone who opposes them using magic. They become so enraged that they cause serious injuries and fatalities to their opposers. And those that don’t oppose them are either too afraid or don’t care that they use magic. The one’s who don’t care often end up becoming magic users themselves.”
“Are you enforcing the laws?” asked Beth.
“Indeed we do,” Terrill said. “Once the authorities are notified about magic being used, they go after the people responsible and they flee-usually they end up joining evil forces. However if any of them remain in the kingdom, they will be escorted to special places while the authorities investigate their lives-to see if they really are magic users. If they are not then they are free to go, but if they are then they are killed.”
“That sounds awfully harsh,” said June.
“It is for the safety of the people,” said Terril. “There has not been one single magic user that has not become corrupted by the magical arts. In the end, they all use it for evil.”
“And now I must tell you how we humans came here, before I forget,” said Terril. “Most of our ancestors are those from the children’s crusades. There are others though that have ancestors that have come from earth, but we do not know how they came to be here.”
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
YOUR CREDITS

LOGIN HERE




REMINDER:

REMEMBER, this is a Critique Circle. Please try to give a critique to receive a critique. If you do not want to give any critiques, you can use the REGULAR ARTICLE SUBMISSION area. If you are unsure about how to critique, please use the CRITIQUE GUIDELINES and CRITIQUE TIPS.

VIEWING CRITIQUES:

To view your critiques that you receive on any writing, login to your account and click "CRITIQUE CIRCLE MANAGEMENT" to view all of your critiques and edit each piece. Then, click "VIEW CRITIQUES" next to the article title to view critiques on that piece. Comments on all of your writings when using the Critique Circle will not be displayed publicly as regular and writing challenge articles. They can only be viewed by accessing them from your account.