Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
THE CRITIQUE CIRCLE

BACK TO
CRITIQUE CIRCLE

INSTRUCTIONS
COMPLETE
INSTRUCTIONS HERE

CRITIQUE GUIDELINES

CRITIQUE TIPS

HELP TOUR

It's easy to critique the works of others and get your work critiqued. Just follow the steps below:

1) Post your first piece.

2) You must then critique the work of another member to post another piece yourself.

3) For each critique you give, you earn 1 credit that can be used to post another one of your writings.

4) You can build up credits to be used at another time by giving critiques to others.
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST





TITLE: The Legendary Hero Ch.2
By C.E. Johnson
03/17/07
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND

Recheck for typos, and if anything needs clarification or more detail. Other comments and crits are welcome.
Oh, and don't send me messages, cuz I don't have the money to pay to be able to see what it says. So you can just put it in the critique, just use dashed lines or something to seperate it.
------
the book is now available at www.lulu.com/calimica. Along with other buyables from me.
Chapter 2

I'm a what?!!!


Before anyone could say another word, we were suddenly in a house with stone walls, and I was lying down on a wide tablet.

�Where are we?� asked June, completely freaked out.

�In my house,� Terril replied, in a matter of fact tone of voice. �You're not on Earth anymore. You're on the planet Lilwa. Now, Chris, first we must get you healed before it�s too late. This will hurt a lot. Are you ready?�

This is all too freaky, I thought. Just like that we are in some strange place that he claims is in another world and I have no idea what he is planning to do but I have no choice but to accept his help.

I weakly nodded, and he picked up a potion and poured it onto my side. When the liquid touched my wound, it felt like it was on fire.

�Ooww!� I cried out in pain, and stirred a little to try to get away the throbs of agony that gnawed at my side.

�Hold her, down,� Terril said. �If the treatment is to be a success, she must be still.�

My friends held me down.

�It�s your only chance to live,� June said. �Don�t worry, we are here for you.�

�Yea, and if he tries to pull something over on you, we�ll clobber him,� Beth grinned mischievously.

Terril walked over with another potion. �I told you it would hurt,� he said. �Now, please stay still while I apply this to your arm.� As he poured it onto my injury, it felt like it was sizzling.

Closing my eyes tightly, I sought God.

Oh, God, it feels horrible, I prayed. It feels like my skin is creeping and my blood is bubbling. I have no idea if it�s working -if it�s making me better or worse. I don�t even know who this guy is or where we are! I don�t know what
to do! Please help me!

Suddenly a strange calming sensation spread throughout my body and mind, and I could feel myself relax. While all this was going on, I felt a voice speak to my heart.

Don�t be afraid for I am with you, said the voice. I am your God and I will never abandon you. This man is here to help you.

�How are you feeling?� asked Terril.

I opened my eyes, and thought about it. My body was at peace, no pain whatsoever! �I feel fine! No pain at all! That�s amazing!�

Thank you, God! I said to God.

�How did you know where we were and that Chris was in trouble?� Beth asked.

�It�s somewhat complicated,� Terril said. �But I�ll try to simplify it. Our king�s children were warped to your world- though we don�t know how. Once the children came back they told us about a girl who had saved them. So we traced the location of the warp, and where it went to. That�s how I appeared there. Once I did, I heard someone scream. When I got there, I was too late to keep Chris from being injured, but I knew the only way to save her was to warp you all to my house.� He sat down. �Don�t worry I shall return you to your world. But first, I just want to know what happened.�

�Why?� asked June.

�Before I warped to your world,� Terril replied. �I detected another warp that was activated near where I was going to warp. Since no other warps to your planet have been authorized by our king, I feared that maybe Vortex-�

�Vortex!� I exclaimed, interrupting Terril. �That�s the name that monster mentioned!�

�Monster!?� asked Terril. �Did a monster attack you!?�

�Yes,� I said. �It suddenly appeared out of nowhere. After my friends screamed, it spotted us. I got a stick and was hoping to kill it like the last one.�

�Did another one appear before that one?� asked Terril, surprised. He wrung his hands together, and looked at me intently.

�It was a day ago,� I replied. �It was attacking two kids, so I stepped in to help. I managed to defeat it.�

�I see,� said Terril. �Would you mind
coming into another room? I want to show you something.�

My friends helped me down off the tablet, and we walked into another room that had elaborate tapestries and pictures hanging from the wall as well as vases that had elaborate pictures on them. They all depicted a girl fighting monsters in them, though the girl, monsters, and the setting of the battle looked different in each piece of artwork.

Terril walked over to a table. There on the table was a glass case that had a golden sword with inscriptions on it and as well as its golden sheath. Next to it was a silver dagger and its sheath. Hanging on the wall next to them was a large golden shield with silver trim, and a longbow with a jade quiver filled with silver tipped arrows.

He opened the top of the case.

�Come here, Chris,� he told me.

I walked over to him.

�Pick up the sword,� he said.
I went over and picked it up.

Terril smiled. �Well?�
�Well what?� I asked.

�Tell me,� he said. �How does it feel to hold it?�

�Um,� I said. �I dunno. Was I supposed to feel something?�

�Only if the weapons did not belong to you,� he said.

�But they aren�t mine,� I said. �I�ve never seen them up till now.�

�You are their owner,� he answered. �It is the sword of the Legendary Hero.�

�Who was that?� I asked.

�Not was, is,� he said.

�Who is it then?� I asked.

�You,� he said.

�Me!?� I exclaimed. �But how is that possible?�

�The testing of the sword,� he told me. �The sword itself tells who is acceptable of being the Legendary Hero.�

�That was anticlimactic though,� said Beth, �I had expected to see something like King Arthur pulling Excalibur from the stone.�

Terril chuckled. �Yes, it wasn�t very spectacular. However, just as Excalibur had many people trying to claim it so did this sword. Many people have come to say they were the hero,� said Terril. �Even though I knew they weren't the hero, I let them try. They all got shocked from touching the sword. Nothing terrible but just enough to get the point across that they weren't the hero of the legend. Only the true owner could pick it up without being shocked. Something from about the material of the sword can sense who its real owner is, and zaps all who are not its owner.�

�But why did you suspect me? I mean, I�m not even from around here.�

�I wager that the children you saved from the monster were the king�s children,� he told me. �The Legend tells that the king�s children will disappear in a time of danger, and will be saved from it by the hero. Since what happened to the children resembled the legend. We asked them what you looked like. They had told us that the girl will have blond hair, but that was all they knew. That wasn�t very helpful, but we had to give it a try. I went to your planet to find you to see if you were indeed the hero of the legend. And now I know you are! I must take you to the king and queen! They will be thrilled to see that I have found you!�

�But you said you were going to take us home!� exclaimed Beth.

�That was before I knew your friend was the hero,� Terril said. He looked at us, pleading for us to understand. �Please, we are locked in a battle against Vortex, and our only hope is Chris.�

�Why doesn�t your king send his troops out to fight Vortex?� Beth asked. �I�m sure that a large amount of warriors and soldiers could defeat Vortex.�

�He already had before they reached the kingdom�s borders, but none were victorious,� replied Terril. �Size does not seem to matter. Larger kingdoms than us have tried to defeat him with such methods and have failed. It is only time before he sends his whole army to attack us. Only the legendary hero can defeat him�. I�I can�t demand that you stay here and help us�I will understand if you don�t stay�it would be rather cold of me to keep you here against your will�I am sorry. If you wish to go home, I will warp you there, and explain to the king why you left.�

Oh, Lord what should I do? I prayed. I know I wanted this, but I don�t know if I can be of any help. That last monster would have killed me if Terrill was not there, and�I�m afraid�I don�t want to die�but if I am their only hope�I don�t want to leave them to die either�What should I do?

Fear not for I will be with you and I will give you strength, God replied. Do not forget I made sure that Terril was there for you, and I am more than capable to help you in any other situation that you will find yourself in. I have brought you to this world to help these people.

I turned toward Terril. �I will help you.

�Are you crazy!?� my friends protested in unison.

�You�ll be killed!� exclaimed June. �If it wouldn�t have been for Terril, you would have died in the last fight! How do you expect to live if you fight this Vortex?�

�I can�t leave them in their time of need,� I said, �Leaving the inhabitants of this world to face a villain in which they have to hopes to escape�I would never be able to live with myself�knowing that I could have saved them and did not.�

�Rest assured,� said Terril, smiling, �that you won�t be alone in your fight. I know for a fact that the king is willing to send all his troops to fight with you. Now, since we will be seeing the king and queen, I�m sure you will all want new clothes. I have a machine in the other room that will take your measurements and make you some new clothes. Follow me.�

We followed him to the other room and saw something that looked like a wardrobe. Its shiny cherry wood had engravings of dragons and unicorns in a emerald forest. I studied them carefully, and they seemed to look back at me with their ruby eyes.

�This is it,� he told us. �It will scan you and make your clothes. Those doors beside it are changing rooms. I will be outside when you are done.� He left.

A little panel on the top of the wardrobe opened, and a little blue laser came out and it scanned me before I had a chance to react. The doors to the wardrobe opened, and a shelf came out with my new clothes. It had a forest green hooded cloak, an emerald sleeveless shirt and caprice, brown boots, and a brown belt with a green item pouch for storing things.

�Dang,� said Beth. �It makes accessories too.�

�I�m next!� exclaimed June.

I took my clothes and went into one of the rooms and changed.

When I came back out, I saw that my friends were not there.

They must have gotten their clothes too, I thought. I�ll just wait for them to come out of the dressing rooms.

When they came out, they were beaming over their new clothes.

June was in a turquoise tunic and caprice, and. Beth was in a blue shirt and shorts.

We walked out of the room.

�Now, we should be going to the castle,� Terril said. �I have told the stage coach driver to wait for us outside. Are you ready to leave?�

�Yes,� I said.

�Very well then,� he said. �Let us leave.�
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
YOUR CREDITS

LOGIN HERE




REMINDER:

REMEMBER, this is a Critique Circle. Please try to give a critique to receive a critique. If you do not want to give any critiques, you can use the REGULAR ARTICLE SUBMISSION area. If you are unsure about how to critique, please use the CRITIQUE GUIDELINES and CRITIQUE TIPS.

VIEWING CRITIQUES:

To view your critiques that you receive on any writing, login to your account and click "CRITIQUE CIRCLE MANAGEMENT" to view all of your critiques and edit each piece. Then, click "VIEW CRITIQUES" next to the article title to view critiques on that piece. Comments on all of your writings when using the Critique Circle will not be displayed publicly as regular and writing challenge articles. They can only be viewed by accessing them from your account.