Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Join Faith
Writers
Forum
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Get Our Daily Devotional             Win A Publishing Package             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
THE CRITIQUE CIRCLE

BACK TO
CRITIQUE CIRCLE

INSTRUCTIONS
COMPLETE
INSTRUCTIONS HERE

CRITIQUE GUIDELINES

CRITIQUE TIPS

HELP TOUR

It's easy to critique the works of others and get your work critiqued. Just follow the steps below:

1) Post your first piece.

2) You must then critique the work of another member to post another piece yourself.

3) For each critique you give, you earn 1 credit that can be used to post another one of your writings.

4) You can build up credits to be used at another time by giving critiques to others.
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST





TITLE: Piranha of the Deep
By Joseph Breton
01/03/07
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND

I hope nobody who enjoys goldfish finds this offensive because really it's not a story of complete victimization. Good does really win over evil.
Piranha of the Deep, PART ONE

The deep, wretched abyss brings horrid thoughts to the minds eye of such things as the Giant Squid and the Loch Ness Creature. They dwell miles under the sea rising only to prey upon unsuspecting ships. One or two tentacles thrust from the waves and wrap themselves contently around the vessel. Crushing wooden planks in two they haul the boat and its poor, pitiful passengers to the bottom most parts of the deep disappearing forever.
Certain creatures still prey from the depths. Behind the pink fake foliage it lurks. When it becomes hungry it simply waits for the next little naïve goldfish to pass by and… BAM in a split second it is all over.
Four little goldfish live happily together as a clan. Simon, who is small and dependent upon the rest of the family, enjoys swimming merrily from one end of the sea to the other that is until one day as he traveled he came past the Pink flora. He couldn’t help but wonder what is in the still darkness beneath it. “Maybe there is a delicious store of treats hidden there,” he thought as he flipped his tail in anticipation swimming closer and closer. Suddenly there submerged grotesque owl-like eyes from behind the plant. Mortified, Simon tried to scuttle away but in the twinkling of an eye the beast overcame him and loped his tail clean off. Since it is a well-known fact that fish don’t feel pain, Simon was just a little annoyed at his new disability. He had to swim with his body more than anything.
Simon jerked his body back and forth slowly reaching the clan. Simon knew them as wise experienced goldfish. They were his only family and now what would they think of him? Would they stare and maybe even tease a little?
Reuben approached. He by far was the largest and strongest of the clan and about twice the size of Simon, the smallest.
“What has happened Simon,” Reuben spoke with the utmost concern seeing the terrible injury.
“Oh! It was terrible Reuben. I was just swimming back and forth in the sea…you know like I always do. When I saw the pink bush I thought there might be some food there so I went closer until…until…”
“Simon there is no need to explain any further. I already know all about it,” Reuben paused thoughtfully. “There are some things we have always wanted to talk to you about but you just looked so happy and free swimming wherever you pleased.”
Simon didn’t understand. Reality had been covered with a smoggy cloud. He glanced and twitted his body in the direction of Reuben’s tail. He had never noticed before but it was partially gone. Simon froze in a speechless stupor.
Noticing Simons’ reaction to seeing his tail, Reuben spoke creating the feeling in Simon that he had just joined the club, “Yes, we now have all had our brush with death. I only regret not telling you sooner… that is of the beast.”
Simon still speechless followed Reuben to the others. He wished he would’ve known that it was unsafe to travel past that innocent looking pink bush. In a way he felt betrayed.
The clan was situated over a small crater where the diversely-colored pebbles on the sea floor had heaped up around creating a small decline within. A little beyond the crater was the pink bush where nobody traveled except for Simon. Now Simon determined that he would never leave the clan for any reason.
Simon and Reuben reached the others, Chris and Philip. Chris was almost as small as Simon and Philip was a tad larger. When they saw Simon they gasped dispensing a volley of bubbles.
“Simon has met the beast,” Reuben informed with a tint of dismal hopelessness in his voice.
Simon gazed at them. They too had parts of their tail missing. Why had he been so blind to the evil? It was as if he had eaten of the tree of knowledge of both good and evil. Now he could clearly see it.
“What will we do?” panicked Chris who like Simon had been very dependant upon the clan.
Reuben was not quick to reply but seeing that the others depended so greatly upon his knowledge he began, “This is no light matter. We are talking about a horrible beast.

…TO BE CONTINUED
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
YOUR CREDITS

LOGIN HERE




REMINDER:

REMEMBER, this is a Critique Circle. Please try to give a critique to receive a critique. If you do not want to give any critiques, you can use the REGULAR ARTICLE SUBMISSION area. If you are unsure about how to critique, please use the CRITIQUE GUIDELINES and CRITIQUE TIPS.

VIEWING CRITIQUES:

To view your critiques that you receive on any writing, login to your account and click "CRITIQUE CIRCLE MANAGEMENT" to view all of your critiques and edit each piece. Then, click "VIEW CRITIQUES" next to the article title to view critiques on that piece. Comments on all of your writings when using the Critique Circle will not be displayed publicly as regular and writing challenge articles. They can only be viewed by accessing them from your account.