TITLE: A Big Bang Theory
By Kaylee Blake
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Kyle-Christian on secular college campus
Amy-Unbeliever, undecided in the Creation/Evolution debate
Professor Smith-Unbeliever, teaches in the Sciences, Evolutionist
Props: desk/table, paper, pencil, eraser, science book, something that resemble dynamite
(Kyle is methodically placing items on a desk/table, in this order: paper, pencil, eraser, science book, dynamite. Amy, worried after seeing the dynamite, runs up to Professor Smith who was speaking to a student.)
Amy: Professor! Professor Smith, one of the other students just pulled out a stick of dynamite! I think he’s going to blow something up!
Professor Smith: What?! Where is he?
(Amy leads Professor Smith to Kyle. Kyle looks up.)
Kyle: Hey! You guys are just in time. I was just about to start my science research paper. Ya wanna watch? (picks up a match)
(Professor Smith approaches Kyle very slowly, hands making pleading gestures. Amy stands back fidgeting nervously.)
Professor Smith: OK, Kyle…just hand over the dynamite…please. Just give it to me…we don’t want anyone to get hurt…
Kyle: But how am I supposed to write my research paper without it?
Professor Smith: Oh, we’ll find a way…just hand it to me…
(Kyle sighs as he places the dynamite in Professor Smith’s hand.)
Professor Smith: …and the match…
(Kyle hands over match.)
Amy: (relieved) Whew! That was too close for-
(Professor Smith interrupts Amy by placing dynamite and match in Amy’s hand. Amy is scared and holds objects carefully, away from body.)
Professor Smith: (takes a deep breath) All right now, Kyle. (forced calmness) Let’s just sit down right over here…(leads Kyle to the stage steps and they sit down; Amy hovers behind them) Now, I have a few questions for you. First of all, how are you feeling?
Professor Smith: (interrupting Kyle) Secondly, what did you hope to accomplish by blowing up your textbook?
Kyle: I told you already. To start the research paper that you assigned. You know, the one about the origins of the earth?
Professor Smith: (looks blankly at Kyle) You need dynamite to write a research paper?
Amy: (leans towards Professor Smith and speaks in loud whisper) Let’s remember, he was homeschooled; he was already messed up when he came to the university…I hear that he’s one of those Christians, too…
Kyle: (ignores Amy, speaks to Professor Smith) Well, I figured that if I just gathered all the ingredients that make up a research paper together and added a spark (gestures to dynamite) then (yells with dramatic flair) BANG! I’d have an A+ paper.
(Professor Smith and Amy stare at Kyle in unbelief for a few moments. Then they turn to each other and speak in stage whisper.)
Amy: Like I said…
Professor Smith: I knew someone couldn’t possibly be mentally stable if they were going to blow up their textbook with a stick of dynamite, but I had no idea…(thoughtful pause)…we need to be very gentle with him. (Turns to face Kyle) Kyle, it’s true that you assembled all of the necessary components that make up a good research paper, but blowing them all up will not automatically arrange them in an A+ paper.
Kyle: Oh. (appears to consider this) Maybe an A- paper, then?
Amy: (speaking as if to a child) No, Kyle. It will just make a big mess. And playing with dynamite could even hurt you and others. Didn’t your mommy ever tell you that?
Professor Smith: What you need to make a good research paper (taps his/her own head) is your mind. You need to intelligently arrange all the information you have gathered in a concise manner.
Kyle: (slyly) So, even though I had all of the right stuff, I still need some sort of intellectual orchestration to make it a good research paper, right?
Professor Smith: (smiles in relief) Yes, that is right.
Amy: Yeah, you understand. That’s great, but (with curiosity) I would like to know, where on earth did you get the idea that blowing up all that stuff would give you a research paper?
Kyle: The Professor.
Amy and Professor Smith in unison:
Amy: The Professor?!
Professor Smith: Me?!
Kyle: Well, yeah. didn’t you say, Professor, that life began millions of years ago when all of the chemistry and ingredients that make up life came together and were set off by some spark?
Professor Smith: (uncomfortably) Well, I…um…yes…
Kyle: So naturally, I assumed that same thing could occur to make a good research paper. But the Professor straightened it all out for me. He/She proved that there is a God. Just like I have to use my intelligence to create a research paper, there must have been some intellectual Being who gathered all of the components of life together and arranged them in a concise manner.
Professor Smith: (sits uncomfortably, shifting in seat. Starts to speak several times, but always stops self. Finally, stands up and speaks coolly) I really must be going now. But I’ll have you know, Kyle, that I’m going to report to the dean this whole dynamite incident, including your disrespectful attitude to me. I’ll see you in class tomorrow. (pivots heels and stomps off stage)
Kyle: (turns to Amy) Was it something I said?
Amy: (thoughtful) Yeah, I think it was. (a slight pause) You’re one of those Christians aren’t you?
Kyle: (smiles) Yeah, I’m a Christian.
Amy: You know, I’m still not convinced that you’re mentally stable (looks down at dynamite in hands), but you made a good point. I’ve never really thought this whole evolving-over-millions-of years-big-bang-theory thing was ever realistic. But I always thought the Holy-Being-creating-the-earth scenario was just as weird. You’ve given me a lot to think about.
Kyle: If you ever have any questions or wanna talk about it, I’m sure I can give you more food for thought.
Amy: (smiles) I think I’d like that. I always enjoy a good debate. Well, I’ve gotta go now. See ya, Kyle! (starts to walk off stage)
Kyle: See ya! (starts to walk in opposite direction, but pauses and then turns around) Amy, wait! Can I have my dynamite back? (runs after Amy)
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