TITLE: THE BEST HEALING FOR ME
By Lorene Weaver
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THE BEST HEALING FOR ME
Have you ever wondered what the best healing would be? What I thought and what it is are two very different things.
For those of us who experience pain on a continual basis -experiencing times of lesser and times of greater agony - probably would think the total absence of pain would be the very best of healings. I get tired of the pain coming and going at different degrees not knowing when I can do and when I can't do, or what's worse - doing in spite of everything. It is a most unwelcome companion.
Going from doctor to doctor and being stuffed with this pill and that pill is not the way I want to spend my life for several reasons. Doctors just love handing out pills instead of seeking the source of the pain. It's a lousy band aid! Some doctors don't have a clue what is wrong and since they are so very smart, it must be all in the patient's head. (Otherwise called IAIYH). How could one patient possibly have so many different and weird symptoms, things never seen before? Must be, has to be IAIYH.
Finally, have you noticed how you fill out form after form asking what medications you take? Have you ever noticed many doctors looking at that form as they add one more to the list? I take so many pills at bedtime that cause sleepiness I have called the pharmacist and asked if I'll be waking up the next morning! And then there is the question of side effects! Have you read about them and often found the reason you are taking themis a side effect? That really gets to me. And it really did!! I was recently put on cymbalta for the neuropathic pain I suffer from. It was great. The pain was gone, well, at least that pain was gone. Then it began. I thought I was having an allergic reaction to it as my chest congestion started up and with that, my coughing. Because I was enjoying the pain relief I decided to put up with the congestion, taking Mucinex when needed. Several months after being on it, I became depressed and then worse. I had suicidal thoughts on more than one occasion. I knew that was a possible side effect for those under 18, but I wasn't taking this as a compliment! With the only doctor I have faith and trust in, I took myself off cymbalta over a five week period. The yuck went away and the pain returned. Bummer, but not a bummer if you know what I mean.
I've been put on another pain reliever - no more antidepressants for me. My experience has not just been limited to cymbalta so I know they aren't for me. They are definitely worth trying for when they work for you it is a good thing.
This pain reliever at this point isn't really touching my pain. I hope the doctor is able to increase the dose soon. It's designed for neuropathy so I am hopeful!
Hopeful, that's the word. My very best healing has come in a way I didn't believe in, in a way I thought was a bunch of bunk! Yes, poor me for being so blind and stubborn all these years but when the timing is right, the timing is right. It is so very important not to close your mind to things your spirit doesn't give you a check about.
For years I had been in counseling trying to learn how to carry out the Fourth Commandment to honor my mother, a person I know didn't love me, a person I hated for years. The hate melted away as I grew in understanding. I learned and was able to pray for her salvation. During that time the counselors I saw would say I needed to go back through my childhood and be healed. That's what I found to be a bunch of bunk.
As a side note, my mother chose a counselor for us to see together after a long time of asking her to do so. We went and for the first time she acted toward me in the presence of another person as she always did when no one was around. The counselor gently but firmly pointed out to my mother how she was treating me and I found my validation for the first time. It didn't make me feel happy, nor did I gloat over it. It simply made me feel free and that it wasn't a figment of my imagination all those 48 years. She died six months later but two days before she died, my brother left the room for a while and suddenly my mother sat up in bed and looking me straight in the eye, asked me if I could ever forgive her. I had spent years doing that and was able to speak the truth and say yes. I, too, asked for forgiveness and it was granted. We had a great cry together. The only thing she was sad about was that it had taken so long and so much time had been wasted and there was so little time left. When asked by a nurse how she was doing she said she was seeing life through new eyes. God is so good.
I have since been through a tremendously painful time just in these past short few months. I have never wailed or cried from my very gut as I have going through this process. My wise counselor who guided me through knew the antidepressants were only postponing what I had to face - that was another reason for the cymbalta. I thought it would give me a break from the pain of dredging up the yuck from my growing years. When she told me that, I knew I had to get off those pills for sure because I wanted to get through this time quickly. I was actually willing at this point. I found, whether in private or in public, that while I didn't often understand what was happening to me, I knew I wasn't alone in my pain. I discovered that my best friend, Jesus, was there for me with a love I have never experienced and His pain in death was so much greater than what I was and am experiencing, I knew I had nothing to complain about but had so much to be grateful for. My lack of love in my growing years was horrible. My learning and growing in love now is so exhilarating that my spirit and my emotions rejoice in the very BEST HEALING.
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