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TRUST JESUS TODAY
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Some simple acts of vanity and the repetition of these daily acts, kept me afloat in the early days of grief.
Vanity saves my life.
I say this to people,
who know good and well
why I want to die,
from time to time.
And when I tell them
how the art of vanity saves my life,
they look at me
as if they heard me wrong.
If I had the time to tell them
what I mean by this rather
vain
statement,
this is what I would say,
(only not so poetically):
"When my daughter flew out of my arms and was caught up into the winds of heaven,
there were simple acts of vanity that saved me from
following her
and
drying up and blowing away
and maybe
NOT
ending up
in the Good Place with her.
Those simple acts include:
Putting on makeup
Choosing my dress
Adding the jewelry
Finishing my hair.
Dabbing the perfume.
just as I have done
every day
for all my woman years.
Each of these vain acts buy me time:
time to stand in front of a mirror
and I wash my face with tears.
And once that cleansing is complete
I can see that my face is:
A frieze of fury
A masque of mourning,
A mis en scene of sadness -
(A triptych of sorrow, anger, abandonment)
And so
step by step
I cover over my
bloodless pallor with
Honey beige foundation,
Dewberry blush, Lavender Ice shadow, Cherry Stain lipstick, Charcoal mascara, Sable eyeliner and Bubblegum gloss
and
those long lived women,
Mary Kay, Elizabeth and Estee too
who have handed me their lustered armaments over the years,
hand them to me again.
And every day
reinforced by the habit of my womanly vanity
I stand
in front of a mirror
and in this,
my greatest despair,
I am able
slowly,
(mixing in a tear here and there),
to
create a face -
to
face the world -
and
be the face
that my daughter
was
so
proud of."
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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