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TITLE: The Marriage Zone
By mary Blanchard
08/18/06
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This just came to mind when I'd been sanded by my hubby's stubble and thought it would be funny to write the opposite of what makes us feel romantic normally. Pretty much for laughs, but maybe it would be nice if it were true....
Houselights down, spotlight on narrator, dressed a la Rod Sterling. Twilight Zone music plays.

Narrator: All over the world and out of the world strange things happen, unbelievable things. But the following conversations are perhaps the strangest of all....Let's listen in.

Light out, narrator leaves.

Lights up on stage center. 3 women sit around a coffeeshop table, cups in hand.

1st woman: ..."Oh, I know what you mean! I just love it when Shay doesn't shower or shave the whole weekend. I mean, he use to when we were dating, but now that we've been married awhile, who needs that fresh smell or smooth cheeks? Beard-burn is such a turn-on!

2nd woman:OH yeahhh. Or how about when my Tom sits and plays on the computer for 5 hours straight, boy does that get me in the mood.

3rd woman:No, no mine tops all of yours. How about when all day long Jeff ignores me, then falls asleep in his chair, clutching his little remote like a boy and his teddy....

Other 2 women sigh and make "cutsey" sounds.

3rd woman: Then when I wake him to come to bed, he gooses me. Well, you can imagine how much I like that. How's that for romantic?

2nd woman: I don't know--Getting a juicy belch in the ear with a little garlic breath, that beats those old sweet-nothings.

All three laugh and shout woo-hoo.


Lights down.

Lights up on 3 men around the water cooler.

1st man:yeah, I love it when Rosie comes out in her fuzzy slipper the dog chewed on, and that flannel nightie with the holes in it. Who needs Victoria's Secret? Man growls.

2nd man: I agree. My Sherry put on a few dozen pounds after our fifth child, but she's still a hottie to me.

3rd man: I know whatcha mean. Karen's decided to go natural. She quit coloring her hair, and got rid of all that expensive makeup. And I think she looks better than ever!

Lights down.

Spot on narrator, with music again.

"Ladies and gentlemen I submit these conversations to you. Unbelievable, certainly, for this is, after all, the Marriage Zone."

Light out.
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