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TITLE: Bella Luna Belle
By Kim Sandstrom
08/07/06
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My only daughter, 25, died 8 days after giving birth. I adopted her only daughter immediately.
Of all things!

She turned 2,

the week I turned 50!

And now comes the hard part.

I don't get to be nice grandma,

I have to be bad butt mama

to all of her "grabhand", obstreperous activity.

It is not fair I tell you!

I wanted to be the fun, Auntie-Mame-grandma

who teaches her about the finer things in life,

instead

I am the worn-out-drudge-mommy,

with achy hands and arms,

Sleepless!

Hormonal!

Edgy!

...and yet...

despite our vast age difference

and the act of Providence that allowed it,

her face lights up like Christmas when I come home from the store,

or pick her up in the gym nursery,

or pick her up from her crib...

and when we fall into each other

into the rocking chair,

about 9 in the evening.

The moon shines on us through her bedroom window,

and we blow kisses to the moon.

We are wrapped together in the best blankie

ever made,

and then we pray...

"Our Father Who art in Heaven,

Hallowed be Thy Name,

Thy Kingdom come,

Thy will be done,

on earth as it is in Heaven..."

The moonlight traces the journey of tears down my cheek....

and by the time we finish our prayers,

she sleeps

in my arms.

and though my arms feel the weight,

her moonlit face blesses my pain.
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