Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Win A Publishing Package HERE            

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
THE CRITIQUE CIRCLE

BACK TO
CRITIQUE CIRCLE

INSTRUCTIONS
COMPLETE
INSTRUCTIONS HERE

CRITIQUE GUIDELINES

CRITIQUE TIPS

HELP TOUR

It's easy to critique the works of others and get your work critiqued. Just follow the steps below:

1) Post your first piece.

2) You must then critique the work of another member to post another piece yourself.

3) For each critique you give, you earn 1 credit that can be used to post another one of your writings.

4) You can build up credits to be used at another time by giving critiques to others.
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST





TITLE: Stop, Thief!
By Stacey LaMontagne
07/23/06
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND

This is a story for girls from about 12 up to 16. I am not sure if its too corny for the kids these days but maybe the younger girls would find it helpful and interesting. Tell me what you think.
Sitting in the train station gave me a lot of time to think. My first thoughts were to run away but the longer I waited the less I wanted to go. Feeling so alone I wondered how I could let things become so messed up. All I ever wanted to do was get him to like me. But I had no idea how much my insanity would cost me.

"Come on, Sarah, put it in your purse and don't even think about it. You deserve it, and they are overpriced." pleaded the voices of the girls I thought were my friends. Standing there we craved jewelry that was beyond our allowances. I wanted them to help me get the attention of the very handsome football player, Brett Carter. Because they were popular I thought they could help and Brett would notice me if I hung out with them.

So, I did it. "Are you sure no one is looking?" I asked nervously. "I can't believe I am doing this." I mumbled as I casually dropped the earrings into my purse. They nodded, and we strolled gracefully toward the door.

"Excuse me ma'am." called the voice of the saleslady. I froze, wondering what to do.
I turned toward her, "Yes?" I asked looking as calm as possible.

"Here is your sample of perfume that you asked for." she said as she handed me a card.

"Oh," smiled and with great relief said, "Thanks so much! I really hope to convince my mom to get this for me." I took the perfume and turned back noticing Ginny and Caty almost out the door. As I caught up to them we all burst into laughter and giggled all the way home.

"You are gonna wear the earrings with your new outfit tomorrow?" Ginny asked when we got to my house.

"Yeah, I think so." I smiling asked, "Do you think Brett will notice?"

"Oh, you know he will!" replied Caty. "How could he not notice you?" Confidently I smiled and watched as they ran down the sidewalk toward Ginny's house. In my room I closed the door, and collapsed onto my bed with a huge sigh. I can't believe I did that! I thought to myself. I have never done anything so wild, so fun, and yet so wrong! Putting aside my conscience, I grabbed my new sunflower dress out of the closet and held up the earrings to see how perfectly the flowers matched. The dress showed off my tan while the sunflower earrings looked so cute when I put my hair up in a pony tail. Mom bought the dress because I made straight As on my report card, but every since Brett came to the school my mind has been somewhere else.

The next day walking nervously into class I noticed Brett was talking to friends. Setting at my desk I felt myself blushing as he looked at me and casually said, "Hello Sarah. You look very nice today." He threw out the words as if he were tossing me a football. Speechless I smiled and felt as if the ball had gone right past me. Luckily Mr. Jones started class. I sighed with relief thinking all hour what I could say as we left class. The bell rang, my heart lept, and I jumped to my feet and turned to him to say, "Hey Brett. Good luck in the game tomorrow!"

He looked me in the eyes, smiled, and said, "Thanks." Wow! I felt as if I were floating, weightless among the clouds! It would've been a perfect day, if not for Ginny.

"Hey Sarah, want to go to the mall tonight? Caty's mom is going and she said we could come," Ginny asked me in the hall. I agreed and we went after school. We pranced to the perfume counter to adorn ourselves with fragrance. Ginny picked up a tester, smiling she walked toward me, and dropped it in my purse. I just stared at her. Nervously I looked around although no one saw I suddenly began to panic.

"Why did you do that?" I asked her.

"Consider it a present." she replied calmly as we began browsing through the dresses. "How would this look on me?" she asked grinning as if she could have anything she wanted.

"Oh, loosen up Sarah. You got great results from jewelry right? Think of what that perfume will do." replied Ginny looking at me slyly.

My mind began to race. My heart sank into my stomach and I thought I would faint. Walking away I found Caty's mom and stayed with her. Suddenly I was questioning my plan. Was it worth it to become a thief in order to impress this guy? Getting out of the car Ginny said, "Brett will go crazy over that scent on you. See ya! And remember the game is here tomorrow night!"

I nodded and walked slowly into my house. In my room I closed the door and sat down at my vanity. Looking at myself in my new dress, even with matching earrings I felt so ugly. Guilt is not a pretty thing and I was so ashamed I did not know how to face anyone. I concluded that I had to run away. Gathering my savings I packed my bag and I snuck out.

I have been in the train station for hours thinking and wondering if I could really go through with this. Suddenly my eyes are led to a poster on a bulletin board. "Have You Seen This Child?" it read. She ran away and though unaware of why, the parents plead for leads and want her to know they love her no matter what. A tear rolled down my cheek as I began my walk home. I'm not sure how things will turn out, but I know I do not want my face to end up on a board somewhere for someone else to cry over.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
YOUR CREDITS

LOGIN HERE




REMINDER:

REMEMBER, this is a Critique Circle. Please try to give a critique to receive a critique. If you do not want to give any critiques, you can use the REGULAR ARTICLE SUBMISSION area. If you are unsure about how to critique, please use the CRITIQUE GUIDELINES and CRITIQUE TIPS.

VIEWING CRITIQUES:

To view your critiques that you receive on any writing, login to your account and click "CRITIQUE CIRCLE MANAGEMENT" to view all of your critiques and edit each piece. Then, click "VIEW CRITIQUES" next to the article title to view critiques on that piece. Comments on all of your writings when using the Critique Circle will not be displayed publicly as regular and writing challenge articles. They can only be viewed by accessing them from your account.