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TITLE: Life Dance Without Him
By Gina Johnson Smith
01/18/06
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We are born and we die and in between we attempt to figure this life out. As children we are at our purest place. We see things with fresh eyes and a fresh mind. We don't read much into things. We take things at face value. This is the closest we ever get to being at the beginning – like Adam and Eve. We are pure. We see people.

As time goes by and experiences color our world through hurt and deception, we become jaded. We expect the hurt of disappointment. We steel ourselves for it to dull the pain. We know it’s coming, but we want it blurred. We want it softened. As years tumble on we learn to medicate ourselves through illicit acts, through sex, drugs, alcohol, ugly behavior, and the like. We medicate ourselves against the hurts of this life. Our medication of choice helps us make it through the day. As adults, out from under the watchful eyes of our parents, we discover our free will. We embrace the illicitness of "stolen waters" – and justify that everyone else is doing it, so too must we. For a season we eat and drink our fill. And along the way we are told about Him. We are given a glimpse of who He is and what He has to offer, yet we continue the life dance without Him.

For many of us we do not desire to leave our life behind in search of Him, for we have experienced too much fun. Life has been too good. We are disciplined in too many other areas to be disciplined in this area. For most of us the denial of desire is too much to overcome – or so we think. Often we have to be reduced to needing Him, to want Him. Too often we have to be brought to our knees through tragedy. Too often we have to lose what we love in order to possess the gift of sight. In the pain of our lives, in the tragedies that come, we seek Him hard. Our soul hurts with a pain that only He can heal. In the crying out of our soul we connect with Him for a time. We feel the curative powers of His being. It is at that time that we connect. Too often when the crisis abates, we fall back to old habits, old haunts, old ways. We wipe our brow and carry on and lose the lesson, lose the connection. We carry on this dance for many years, not connecting.

It is often in the later seasons of life – after we have tried it our way, after we have abounded and abased and still failed to gain peace – we look for Him. We seek Him in an earnest way, wanting – needing – to know and find Him. For we have come to realize that it is within ourselves that we are lacking. We come to see that it is in our inner most parts that we need His fellowship, we need His reflected glory radiating from our own lives. It is only at this time will we truly yield our lives and our way. When we are tired of being alone and lonely, when we are tired of being independent of Him, when we are ready to be His child…. it is only at this point, that our life can truly begin.
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