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The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
THE CRITIQUE CIRCLE

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It's easy to critique the works of others and get your work critiqued. Just follow the steps below:

1) Post your first piece.

2) You must then critique the work of another member to post another piece yourself.

3) For each critique you give, you earn 1 credit that can be used to post another one of your writings.

4) You can build up credits to be used at another time by giving critiques to others.
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TITLE: No title - poem based on a Messianic psalm
By J. C. Lamont
08/01/05
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This is based on a psalm (about Judas' betrayal of Christ) and is a poem written by a male main character in my book. I liked it, lol, but was told by someone that is was trite and "gay" sounding due to our culture. Do you agree? Should I rewrite? Please share suggestions. Be blunt. My book is very important to me and I am not sensitive. If something is corny or badly needs to be rewritten I would much rather know now than be told by an editor/agent. Thanks.
God, hear my prayer
Iím down on my knees
Show me you care
Iím begging you, please
My soul is in anguish
The terror of death
My whole body trembles
With each gasping breath

Itís not an enemy that taunts me
That I could bear
Itís not my foes that insult me
Then I wouldnít care
But it is my friend
Who did me, betray
My trusted companion
Who I was with every day

His promises were as smooth
As a gentle caress
His words were as soothing
As a passionate kiss
But Darkness reigned in him
Right from the start
His words turned to daggers
Piercing my heart
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