TITLE: FEAR CAN NOT BE KILLED WITH A BULLET
By olivia gates
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FEAR CAN NOT BE KILLED BY A BULLET
At mid afternoon there was a calmness in the woods, that was unbelievable. I cautiously walked down the now abandoned logging road. My thoughts were anything but calm. The thoughts in my head were doubtful as to if I could pull this thing off. As I entered the vault like blind. It took several minutes for my eyes to adjust to the darkness inside. Although the sun was shinning outside. Those repeatedly nagging thoughts haunted my mind.
As I slowly leaned my gun up into the right hand corner of the blind. My mind again began to question, could I do this? I sat down in my folding chair that was centered in front of the only window in this blind.
This blind was made out of an old Pvc container. A door had been sawn out of the left side, and a narrow window in the very front.
Now here I set in the middle of this plastic cubicle. Within minutes I am captivated by fear. A fear that began in childhood and has followed me into adulthood. As the sun begins to go down up rises my fear.
We all began our lives incased in a dark place(inside our mother’s womb),but this is a safe place, we are protected there. When we enter into this world, we enter into a place of fear. Life and it’s events will either feed our fears or help us grow stronger in our fears.
Growing stronger in my fear, was the object of this particular hunt. Learning to trust in God was my goal.
My hunting buddies had convinced me to stay in the ground blind until dark. They of course, would only be a hundred yards away. This was no solace at all. They might as well have been in Cattle Gap, Egypt as far as I was concerned. I was all alone, and felt scared. Yes, I had a 270 rifle with me. Fear cannot be killed with a bullet. Not leaving with the fading sun was another goal. I could not tell you how many times I have been back at the truck, before the sun went down. So here I sit in this blind with the reality of the fading sun becoming oh so real.
So I began to talk to myself,”you can do this, just calm down, breathe girl, Trust in the Lord.
Now time birthed a game in my mind. One where you name the people in the bible in Alphabetical order. Abraham was A, Bethsheba was B, Cain was C, going through the whole alphabet using just one name for each letter. Of course I am glancing down the logging road out in front of me, while I play this game. Searching the sides of the road for any signs of life. I was on my fourth set of letters when something caught my attention. My imagination begins to run wild. I break out in a cold sweat. My mind can see my fear instantly blotting out the sun. Now I am in total darkness, engulfed by the darkness of it all. Here I set in the tomb. NO! No! I fight back these conjured up fears. The sun is still shinning although it is much later in the day. Again I begin to talk to myself. “I am ok, I am ok, calm down, relax and enjoy this hunt.”
There it is again something is out there. A small pole like object begins to rake at the pine straw. It is pulling it back behind a pine tree. For a moment, I am puzzled as to what it is. Then like someone pulled the light cord, the light came on. That’s a deer leg, dummy. It was raking the pine straw, looking for kernels of corn.
About the second swipe, the deer hunting game was on again. Forget the alphabets, its tenderloin time. Slowly reaching for my gun. I rested it on the windows edge. I zoomed in on the pine tree, because the deer was hidden by the tree. Patiently, I waited for the deer to step out from behind the tree. Knowing that there was a deer out there, made me oblivious of the dark clock ticking away. The daylight was gradually slipping away and so was my fear.
The deer nonchalantly moved out into my lane. It’s head was down munching on the corn. It’s right shoulder was fully exposed. I squeezed the trigger and harvested the deer.
I waited the allotted time, to make sure I had made a good shot. By now, it was dusk dark.
My hunting buddies came and we loaded it on the four wheeler. They were extremely proud that I had stayed until dark.
Now could I have done this had the deer not come along? I believe the lord sent that lone doe to me. I believe that day increased my trust in the Lord.
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