TITLE: Shattered and Yet, Restored
By harvestgal Ndaguba
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Talk about gullible. I think I am the definition of it. I just believed him. I can't believe how blind I was. I thought he really cared about us. Now when I look back on that fateful day, my heart faints at the memory, yet rejoices to see what God has done.
It all started at a camp-meeting. The revival fires were falling and my heart was refreshed. People were being healed, delivered and set free from many things. But best of all, souls were being saved by the hundreds. I had been spiritually dry for a while. Just got busy with the everyday things of life; the husband; the kids; housework and church programs. Not to mention all the doctors appointments, dentist appointments, teachers meetings, volunteering for the many things the kid's school needed me for and other things. I was still trying to be a light, but being a light was hard.
It seemed like I was giving, giving, giving and not getting back in return. My husband was acting strange. Quieter than usual. He didn't want to talk and open up about what was going on. Our conversation soon became nonexistent.
“How was your day?” I'd ask.
“Fine,” he'd reply. I'd ramble on about how my day was and the kids and things. He wouldn't say anything. I'd ask what was wrong but he'd just say, “nothing.” This had been going on for months.
“You do still love me?” I'd ask sometimes.
“Of course,” he'd reply.
He started spending a lot of time at work. I wondered why he was taking so much overtime.
It gets lonely after a while, you know, really lonely. The Baby was 6 months old at the time of the camp-meeting, Mina was 2, Jake was 7 and Nathan was 9. So anyway, getting back to that fateful day, we were all there, at the camp-meeting, even my husband. As the Spirit of God was moving, I suddenly noticed a man watching us.
He had a cane, yet he looked young, like in his late twenties. I kept glancing at him then looking away, wondering why he had such a dead stare on us. Near the end of the service, while people were being prayed for, he worked his way over to us. He walked with a limp. I said to my husband,
“This man coming over has been staring at us the whole service.”
My husband glanced his way for a moment then back at the preacher who was praying for the sick. The man approached him,
“Excuse me sir, I have a burning word in my spirit for you. Can I talk to you for a moment.”
My husband totally ignored him. I was like, what is going on. So I figured I'd better act like my husband and do the same. I closed my eyes and pretended to be praying. I did this for a long time. When I opened my eyes, I didn't see my husband or the man with the cane. I was shocked. I didn't even hear my husband leave my side.
I started searching the auditorium with my eyes but they were nowhere in sight, so I waited, thinking he'd come back. I had the baby with me but the other kids were in their children's church classes. After about ten minutes my curiosity got the best of me so I took the baby and went looking for my husband. There was no sign of them in the lobby so I proceeded outside. There I saw the man sitting beside my husband on a bench. They were both crying. I quickly rushed to my husband's side.
“Are you okay?” I asked, foolishly, not really knowing what to say.
“No,” he replied. He reached in his pocket and handed me a plane ticket. It was a plane ticket for him to China. I was totally confused.
“What's this,” I asked.
“I'm having an affair,” he cried. “I don't love you anymore, I love someone else. She's Chinese and she's beautiful and...I'm madly in love with her. We were planning to leave everything and go to China next week and start a new life together there.”
I kind of felt like I was having a bad dream. I felt my body begin to quiver. “But you love me. You love your kids. I love you.” The emotions came like a rushing river. As the reality of the words he'd just spoken hit, the tears came. I wasn't even angry. How come I never saw it. How blind. How gullible. I just believed him when he said he loved me. Even when he stopped talking.
The other man looked at me with teary compassionate eyes. “It's okay Ma'am, God is restoring your marriage. Satan wants to take your husband to hell and shatter both y'all lives, but God has intervened,” he said with a southern accent. Suddenly the anger came. I wanted to throw a tantrum but I was holding the baby. I quickly walked back in, shattered and broken. I went up to the alter and wept before The Lord with the baby in my arms. I don't know how long I wept but when I finally stopped my husband was by my side. I noticed I was still holding the plane ticket. I gave it to him. He looked at it like it was something so precious. Then he ripped it up.
“I'm sorry.” he said.
I had no words to reply to him.
“Let's try to start over.”
I never knew anything had ended so I didn't really know how to start over. I was just in shock.
“I will ask The Lord to restore my love for you and take away my love for her.”
Those words stung like crazy. Sometimes life is hard. I knew what I had to do, though. I took his hand and looked in his eyes. They were sad eyes, filled with pain. Why should there be pain in his eyes, I was the one suffering. I was the one hurt.
“I ...forgive you,” I finally managed to say. I felt so much love for him that's why the words were so hard to get out. To love someone only to find they don't love you is like the worst feeling.
“I love you. God will work things out and restore your love for me,” I continued. Strangely, I felt God's presence as I said those Words. This was the start of a new beginning for our family
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