By Felisa Walton
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I just recently read a book about a woman that had been abused by her husband. Her way of escape from the abuse was through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. She vividly tells of the brutal beatings she received at the hands of this man. She left him many times only to return. She provides several scriptures that helped her over come the bitterness that ate away within her due the mental, sexual and physical abuse.
After reading this book, I saw many similarities in my own bouts with bitterness. It started for me at a very early age. My mother drank most of her life which caused endless arguing and physical altercations with my father. Holidays were most often ruined because of her addiction to alcohol which also hindered her ability to show love to her children.
I am the third out of the four children in our family. I believed it affected me more than my siblings because I was the only one that would try to stop or prevent the altercations. I assumed my siblings dealt with the situation in their own way. I never felt love by her because of the drinking. I hated the way it affected her and our family.
As the years went by that small portion of bitterness inside of me began to grow. I began to have my own problems and because I did not have the proper coping skills to deal with my own un- resolved feelings .It only added to an already burning fire.
I experienced emotional, verbal, and physical abuse at the hands of as number of people. It seemed the more I tried to forget what had happened the more the incidents revisited me. I could see the encounter as if it happened yesterday.
I hated those people that hurt me. I found it difficult to have healthy relationships and communicating with others. The people around me could hear the anger in my voice but had no idea how deep the pain was. I was labeled as a person with a bad attitude which no one wanted to be around which lead to isolation and depression.
I need an outlet or I was going to loose it, I turned to drugs to numb me momentarily. The delusionalthoughts were already dictating my days and nights. I quickly found that the drug did little to help me. In fact, the drugs made my situation worse as I struggled with bouts of wanting to harm my self.
In this book, the writer speaks the antidote for bitterness is forgiveness in Matthew 6:15 it reads “But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses”.
I continue to struggle, but with each new day that God gives me it assures me that his plan for is sure to come forth. Therefore in my waiting phase (which is a challenge) I have to forgive those that hurt me. I have to mediate in his words, pray without any bitterness present, and stay positive than the bitterness that is following me will be no more.
Pray for me that the strong grip of bitterness be loosed from me in the name of “Jesus”.
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