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this was a stoy I wrote for the writing challenge. Since I don't have a challenge buddy. Could you give me a critique on my grammer?
Ken who was a courier walked into the M Bank to deliver and pick up the inter-office mail. He walked into a pen fight that Joyce and George were having. George is a full time police officer for the city of Minneapolis. He would get contract work outside of his job as a security guard for the bank. George was a jolly old fellow that liked to be playful. Joyce was one of the tellers.
“OK both of you STOP! I don‘t want to see anyone get hurt,” said Vennisa who was the bank manager.
George had just thrown a pen at Joyce.
“Hey, tell your teller to stop picking on me!” said George.
Ken laughed as he sat down and waited for Vennisa to get the stuff together in the bag.
“You know a pen could become a deadly weapon especially for a police officer, “said Ken.
Vennisa smiled “Oh Ken, they are just playing.”
Ken smile went away, “No, I am serious,”
“Oh Come on,” said Vennisa as she was got together some of the paperwork that needed to go to the banks main office.
“Besides a gun, a pen is the second most deadly weapon a police officer can carry,” said Ken.
George perked up and said, “Ya right, it can't stop a bullet.”
“When you get a speeding ticket what does an officer use to write up the ticket?” asked Ken.
"Uh but da, a pen,” as George smirked.
Ken waved his finger and said, “That makes it a deadly weapon.”
Vennisa smiled, “You know I think you have something there.”
“A pen is a weapon. If someone gets murdered or someone robs a bank, a police officer uses his pen to write the report or a speeding ticket. When these things are written down it becomes a written record that can put you in jail.”
“I guess I will haft to agree,” said George.
“Well here is your stuff Ken,” as Vennisa zipped the bag shut.
Ken took it and walked out the door, “we will see you tomorrow.”
Ken got into his car and drove away.
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