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TITLE: In The Palm Of His Hand
By Chris Janzen
08/05/09
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This is the true account of when I had my little twins three months early. They were so premature and so tiny, and God used this time to teach me that I had no other options but to trust Him. Of course, that should always be our first option! I entered this in the writing challenge for Adulthood because I felt that even though I was in my mid 30s when this happened, I did a lot of growing up in the Lord through all this. It was originally written as a Mother's Day article for my church newsletter. Thank you very much for reading.
When I finally got married I couldnít wait to have a baby. Motherhood seemed like an exclusive club I'd been denied access to, and I wanted in!

When I became pregnant with our first child, I was so excited and happy, yet filled with fears of every sort. I had a lot of morning sickness and problems, and pregnancy just wasnít as fun as I thought it would be!

I had a very strong desire to feel in control of things. It irked me not to be in control of my hormones, weight, or whether or not my lunch would stay down! I couldnít control any of it, and for a control enthusiast like me, it was torture!

Eventually I did realize God was in control, whatever the outcome, and my baby and I were in the palm of His hand. He knew all about my child because He created him. He knew all about me as well, and my crazy need for control was no surprise to Him!

I had to let go and trust Him to take care of us. He did, and when my son was born it was by far one of the greatest moments of my life. I finally got to join the motherhood club, and I was thrilled! Whatever discomfort I had gone through was infinitely worth it when I saw our beautiful baby boy.

Two years later, I found myself pregnant again, and again had lots of health problems and fears. I was sick ALL the time. Why?

This time I was carrying two babies, and all the unpleasant effects of pregnancy were multiplied exponentially!

All my anxieties about the future (... how can we afford this, how can I manage all this, when will I ever have time for myself again?...) were multiplied as well. I was truly pathetic, feeling so sorry for myself and the misery I was having to endure.

Here God had done this amazing thing and blessed us with twins, yet instead of thanking Him for this wonderful gift, I was fearful, worried, and doubtful about my ability to raise two more babies.

Again, I was irritated that I could not control my situation. I was completely focused on ME and MY current difficulties, instead of putting my focus on God and trusting Him to help me.

In the midst of my pity party I learned that a good friend had lost the baby she was carrying. I felt so sad for her, and so ashamed of my attitude. I repented and asked God to help me with the overwhelming emotions I was struggling with.

I did my best to fill my mind with Godís word, and eventually faith did come. It did not happen overnight, but little by little, from glory to glory, my faith grew. The more faith that came, the more it crowded out the fear and the need to feel in control.

When our twins surprised us by arriving three months early, I knew in my heart the only one who could help them was God. No matter how desperately I wanted to do something to save them, my only option was to place those tiny babies in the palm of Godís hand.

My husband and I prayed over our babies daily, thanking God for their good health and that they would live and not die. God answered our prayer in such a powerful way.

We brought our babies home in perfect health, not on medications or monitors. They were just 2 pounds each at birth, but strong and healthy, just as we prayed they would be.

That was ten years ago. Now I marvel at the individuals they have become. I am continually awed by the personalities, intelligence, creativity, and gifts God has given them. I am humbled that He would entrust my husband and me with such precious children.

I am so thankful for the transformation God has done in me, taking my fear away and replacing it with a calm confidence that I can raise these three children, not in my own strength, of course, but with HIS help.

The important lesson I learned through it all is that the palm of His hand is the best place anyone could ever be; tiny baby or troubled adult.

I have had to place others in the palm of Godís hand as well, trusting that He knows what is best. He has never once let me down.
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